- Some people still hold a lot of anger, resentment or issues with the ex, so cut your losses and RUN!
- It is logistically more difficult to date someone else with kids - based on schedules, time with the kids, activities with the kids...and then add distance on top of that, it feels 99% unlikely that anything will work out!
- AND the biggie! I am not a 'booty call'! Man alive, after 2 dates, he was coming through town and literally wanted to 'connect' I believe is what he said, even if I had only lunch, coffee, or to meet at my house - no thank you! And big surprise I haven't heard from him again! WOWSA!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Fellow Parent
Second up was a fellow parent of two children similar ages to my own. Many lessons with this one after a couple dates!
Goofy Fella
First up from the revamped online dating experience is the 'goofy fella' from a town about 80 miles away. I have to think of the lessons learned here, so while some things were great, like his humor, wittiness, fun nature - there were some drawbacks that were clearly NOT going to work for me, my personality, or my lifestyle!
So the lesson learned for me was when I sent a text that unbeknownst to me would strike a chord as a litmus test - into the 'kid zone' since this man was 40 and does not have children of his own, I realized I didn't quite know how he felt. So, one evening after a rough night with the kiddos I let him know that - and a) he made a smart-a$$ comment about kids and b) he didn't want to visit with me, preferring to read a bit instead, so clearly unable to step outside his own needs to be there for someone else.
DONE! Cut our losses, moving on, lessons and needs learned! WOOHOO!
So the lesson learned for me was when I sent a text that unbeknownst to me would strike a chord as a litmus test - into the 'kid zone' since this man was 40 and does not have children of his own, I realized I didn't quite know how he felt. So, one evening after a rough night with the kiddos I let him know that - and a) he made a smart-a$$ comment about kids and b) he didn't want to visit with me, preferring to read a bit instead, so clearly unable to step outside his own needs to be there for someone else.
DONE! Cut our losses, moving on, lessons and needs learned! WOOHOO!
Monday, September 19, 2011
More Online
Each of us should take some time to refocus, regroup, recooperate and recover after a breakup - and at some point we have to get back on the horse, right? Either people cannot resist setting you up, you are social and out and about, and you might like to attempt to add someone into your adventure of life! Well, such is the case for me! HOWEVER...
For me several factors are playing into the 'meeting people' scenario: 1) smaller town, 2) largely blue collar town, 3) working for one of the largest employers, but not wishing to date someone from work, 4) no phone numbers in bars, there to dance only not meet people! SO, my friend encouraged me to try dating online - again!
I considered her idea - I live close enough to several towns, so even the possibility of someone NOT in my town was appealing, opening up more doors. As was another aspect - throwing myself out there exactly as I am! Only those interested in my personality would message me right?
Well, sort of - there is weeding the garden of the rubbish so to speak, but yes, I have had some dates from there and nothing has worked out so far, but I am trying to just have fun with this, learn something new each time, grow and even think of it as preparing myself for the right relationship as I learn, grow, expand, narrow in on what I would like or NOT like in a partner and relationship!
For me several factors are playing into the 'meeting people' scenario: 1) smaller town, 2) largely blue collar town, 3) working for one of the largest employers, but not wishing to date someone from work, 4) no phone numbers in bars, there to dance only not meet people! SO, my friend encouraged me to try dating online - again!
I considered her idea - I live close enough to several towns, so even the possibility of someone NOT in my town was appealing, opening up more doors. As was another aspect - throwing myself out there exactly as I am! Only those interested in my personality would message me right?
Well, sort of - there is weeding the garden of the rubbish so to speak, but yes, I have had some dates from there and nothing has worked out so far, but I am trying to just have fun with this, learn something new each time, grow and even think of it as preparing myself for the right relationship as I learn, grow, expand, narrow in on what I would like or NOT like in a partner and relationship!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
GUT reactions - and itching
During my divorced life and dating, I have had the oddest experience - ITCHING on my neck if I am uncomfortable in the relationship. While it has been slightly different with each relationship, it HAS come out and drives me CRAZY!
So, the very first time, I was 'trying' to date and be into my now-friend and I could NOT for the life of me figure out why I was itching or when - until he joked that I was allergic to him! Then it dawned on me that I was itching when I was around him, clearly uncomfortable! He finally called it like it was - I was not that into him - and I did not itch from that day forward! WOW! Talk about a gut reaction!
So, I have paid attention to the itching ever since! It has been fail-proof so far...until now! I did not itch while dating this most recent fella, and felt quite comfortable, relaxed, and was listening to my body and gut...or for me, my neck rather! :)
This time, however, I have been itching SINCE the breakup, since the relationship has resolved, so I do not know what to do, I spoke with him to get closure and that didn't help. I am being authentic and true to myself...which tends to be the resolution and balancing of the Throat Chakra...to stop the itching. I do NOT know what is going on this time! New territory that is for sure.
I have many opinions when I ask others, trying to help figure out what is going on for me, what I am not being true about, authentic, or ME about! UGH! I am open to hearing theories and in the meantime I am using emu oils, anti-itch creams, meditation and other techniques to minimize the itch that is making me crazy!
So, the very first time, I was 'trying' to date and be into my now-friend and I could NOT for the life of me figure out why I was itching or when - until he joked that I was allergic to him! Then it dawned on me that I was itching when I was around him, clearly uncomfortable! He finally called it like it was - I was not that into him - and I did not itch from that day forward! WOW! Talk about a gut reaction!
So, I have paid attention to the itching ever since! It has been fail-proof so far...until now! I did not itch while dating this most recent fella, and felt quite comfortable, relaxed, and was listening to my body and gut...or for me, my neck rather! :)
This time, however, I have been itching SINCE the breakup, since the relationship has resolved, so I do not know what to do, I spoke with him to get closure and that didn't help. I am being authentic and true to myself...which tends to be the resolution and balancing of the Throat Chakra...to stop the itching. I do NOT know what is going on this time! New territory that is for sure.
I have many opinions when I ask others, trying to help figure out what is going on for me, what I am not being true about, authentic, or ME about! UGH! I am open to hearing theories and in the meantime I am using emu oils, anti-itch creams, meditation and other techniques to minimize the itch that is making me crazy!
More Change...and growth!
Well, life has thrown more curve balls my way and change brings growth, right?
I am no longer dating the special man in my life, it seems too much opposite was difficult and fear-inducing for him - and he ran. He didn't handle things in the greatest or most respectful manner so that adds to the difficulty, but as someone told me I would realize someday...he did the best he could in the moment, and that wasn't good enough for me...So one more door shuts, and we will see about other doors and windows later on.
This has been difficult to swallow for sure - I had finally trusted again, fell in love again, so it is painful. I am recovering and focusing on me again and getting back to normal.
I have learned and am grateful for many things from the experience, even through the pain.
I am no longer dating the special man in my life, it seems too much opposite was difficult and fear-inducing for him - and he ran. He didn't handle things in the greatest or most respectful manner so that adds to the difficulty, but as someone told me I would realize someday...he did the best he could in the moment, and that wasn't good enough for me...So one more door shuts, and we will see about other doors and windows later on.
This has been difficult to swallow for sure - I had finally trusted again, fell in love again, so it is painful. I am recovering and focusing on me again and getting back to normal.
I have learned and am grateful for many things from the experience, even through the pain.
- Perhaps it was good for me simply TO trust and love again.
- My kids, while they met him and that is difficult, they also got to see, as did I, how someone CAN be with them, and an experience we all got to have, while brief.
- I was relaxed finally in dating, enjoying the moments...I was doing GREAT!
- I tightened my standards yet again and keep getting closer and closer to a good match for me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Ah-ha moments
We all have them, right? A big moment that we get to say AH-HA, I get it! Realizing some big piece of ourselves, or in others, or both, or anything in between!
I just got the pleasure of an ah-ha moment - even if it was difficult! As we maneuver and learn in relationships and are figuring out how each other resonates, behaves, feels, thinks, all of those things - we will stumble upon something that does not work for both parties. It often can be where we feel 'opposite' from each other - when the opposite things are where we may be weak by nature and actually attract that person to us for that reason, but it is also difficult to deal with simply because it is opposite of how we naturally operate! Crazy world we live in! So we get the AH-HA moment to push us outside our box and guess what? GROW! We get to grow from ah-ha moments! YEAH!
So for me, I learned a lot about myself yesterday and today, as well as the other person - and I grew...at least a little. ; ) And I will continue to grow and flourish and blossom...and as an extrovert, I can learn a GREAT deal from this introvert who needs and seeks solitude...the area I most need to grow for my being and soul to flourish. Exciting times! : )
I just got the pleasure of an ah-ha moment - even if it was difficult! As we maneuver and learn in relationships and are figuring out how each other resonates, behaves, feels, thinks, all of those things - we will stumble upon something that does not work for both parties. It often can be where we feel 'opposite' from each other - when the opposite things are where we may be weak by nature and actually attract that person to us for that reason, but it is also difficult to deal with simply because it is opposite of how we naturally operate! Crazy world we live in! So we get the AH-HA moment to push us outside our box and guess what? GROW! We get to grow from ah-ha moments! YEAH!
So for me, I learned a lot about myself yesterday and today, as well as the other person - and I grew...at least a little. ; ) And I will continue to grow and flourish and blossom...and as an extrovert, I can learn a GREAT deal from this introvert who needs and seeks solitude...the area I most need to grow for my being and soul to flourish. Exciting times! : )
Friday, June 10, 2011
WOW!
Someone once told me in relationships to wait....for the WOW factor....and to not settle for less. I have been patiently waiting, figuring things out on me, living my life with more intention and purpose, all of those things. WOW has hit me square in the eyes and when I least expected it!
I have been thoroughly enjoying dating this special man for a while now and found myself saying WOW an awful lot. Then it dawned on me - WOW - this is really happening! Then I had to examine the other, more logical aspects too...
This is a good man, with good character and good values - one of the more recent qualities that I have been waiting for, to be more congruent and compatible with my own life (including two little ones!). I didn't feel at all like I was settling for a Mr. Ok! This has REAL possibility here! WOW! Ohhhh, there it goes again, like an uncontrollable spasm, WOW! So far, we are finding that we are quite compatible in many ways - active, healthy, family values, things desired in life, and lifestyle. As well, we ar finding complementary things too - my organizational skills and positivity, his ability to slow down and relax, being in nature, helping bring me down to earth now and then, and both of us commenting on how it helps us each BE a better person - always part of any positive WOW relationship, right? This is WOW...oops, there it is again...anyone have more words?
How about the "L" word? Yep, I'm in LOVE, and so is he - how convenient is that? >>>>> and as my kids would say "Mommy" and "----" kissing in a tree...K.I.S.S.I.N.G....
you know those words! : )
Enjoy your day, your life, your relationships
And make them the best that you can each and every day!
Dancing, Daring, Delightful Diva!
I have been thoroughly enjoying dating this special man for a while now and found myself saying WOW an awful lot. Then it dawned on me - WOW - this is really happening! Then I had to examine the other, more logical aspects too...
This is a good man, with good character and good values - one of the more recent qualities that I have been waiting for, to be more congruent and compatible with my own life (including two little ones!). I didn't feel at all like I was settling for a Mr. Ok! This has REAL possibility here! WOW! Ohhhh, there it goes again, like an uncontrollable spasm, WOW! So far, we are finding that we are quite compatible in many ways - active, healthy, family values, things desired in life, and lifestyle. As well, we ar finding complementary things too - my organizational skills and positivity, his ability to slow down and relax, being in nature, helping bring me down to earth now and then, and both of us commenting on how it helps us each BE a better person - always part of any positive WOW relationship, right? This is WOW...oops, there it is again...anyone have more words?
you know those words! : )
Enjoy your day, your life, your relationships
And make them the best that you can each and every day!
Dancing, Daring, Delightful Diva!
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