Year-End, Year-Beginning

How cliché that we reflect on the year end, but I cannot help it!  It comes naturally for me since I moved my two children and myself to a new town, new place, exactly on New Year's Day! So I shall carry on the tradition with reflections upon 2016 and life's twists and turns.

The Art and Science (NOT!) of Blended families: Since getting married in 2015, and merging our families of five kids, life has thrown some challenges our way. In one moment I can hear someone tell me that we should write a book we are doing so well, and other moments I might be in tears feeling like I am failing for all five. Here's what I know. Parenting is HARD. Parenting is real. Parenting is for a lifetime, whether your kids are your biological, or bonus. So we keep at it and try not to screw them up too badly, teaching them along the way.

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly of Friendships: I wrote already of my struggles losing my best friend, so catch that here if you missed it: We are no longer friends, but Strangers with Memories, but I've reflected on friendship over the years. From shifts when you gain or lose during big life events such as a divorce, marriage, or move, to this most recent loss that I didn't see coming (really I was just in denial for a long, long time). Friendship is a premium to me. Regardless of being married or single, friendships sustain us, help us endure, bring us joy, laughter, and things to do with others. I will always have my friends, some with and some without my husband, and I will always need them and they will need me. It is vital for me to model relationships to our children, so we support them having and nurturing friendships too, and minimizing meanness or selfishness. While I have lost only one friend, I have gained more, nurtured some more, and feel blessed in all of those gains in my life.

Marriage and the Ebbs and Flows: I have been married before, very young and an ill-fit that is very hard to work on when you are young and immature and neither of you know what to do or not to do. We hope when we take another chance on love to do it better. And we have. The natural ebbs and flows of a marriage, the day-to-day life, the friendship that must endure, and the blended kids thing? Vital to have a strong foundation to handle all that. Have we done it perfectly all year? Nope! But we've made it through together and stronger!  My husband is an engineer, and I, a wellness "woo-woo" person, but we have found a balance for the most part in communication styles, letting things go, simplifying, and we are also just more mature and older that sometimes the little things don't matter.

Adventure. Striving. Tackling. Period. ALWAYS. Something that I learned about myself long, long ago, is that I don't idle well. I must be striving to be thriving. And each year that is about trying new things and pushing myself outside my comfort zone or box. In year's past I have learned to belly dance, run a 5k, a half marathon, a road relay, tango, and this year is no exception.  Two things I have done this year that are outside my comfort zone: ran a trail relay race with dear friends, and I LEARNED TO SING A SONG AND PERFORMED, as well as followed that up with a recital solo as well, and joining a choir. Life gets good in the parts where we push ourselves to grow, to learn, and to tackle fears. My children would never guess that I was shy when I was younger, or scared of things.

• Stage fright? Learn to be on it.
• Body issues? Try belly dancing and you'll own it. Video evidence HERE
• Never tackled your masters? Start! (And I'm 2/3 done and a 4.0!)
• Physical strength? Tackle a new challenge like a run, a race, and twist up those too!
• Want to travel? Find a reason and people! I've even tied mine to some races, haha!
• Lifelong fears? Tackle them head on! SINGING was a major fear of mine and I'd never sing in front of other humans! But, with lessons and a great teacher, as well as supportive first audience of wellness friends, I did it and you can too!

So for 2017 I am wondering what I can challenge myself with. I don't do New Year's Resolutions - I continually push myself all year long. I see in my future another Ragnar Trail Race, more singing, and perhaps another solo that is even better, stronger, and more beautiful. Regardless of what I see for myself, I know that I will learn, grow, thrive, and be a better person come this time next year!

Here's to your own challenges this year!

Daring, Delightful, Dreaming, Developing, Digital Diva

We're no longer friends...We are strangers with memories

Alas, it has happened to me.

You know, that thing that you never thought would. 

One of my best friends is gone.

It has been a struggle for me, and while she was not my only friend, this has been a bizarre twist of events that has come to finalization and realization at the end of this year time of reflection, letting go, and resolutions. She is no longer my friend and it is time to accept that.

It

Is

Time

To

Let

Go

I've spent the last year or two wondering what is going through her mind when we run into each other. Does she notice? Does she care? Is she oblivious? Does she wonder what went wrong? What truths is she telling herself?  What lies does she believe?

I feel that I have constantly and continually been a nice person, put in efforts to hang out, be there, ask about her life, defend her, help her, give, give, give, do, do, do, and get nothing in return...it's time to let go. The person I may not recognize any longer is no longer worth my time or efforts. Period. It's time to mark up my own value and worth.  

She has been there for me, listened to me cry, she's cried, we've laughed together, and shared so many memories that I will cherish for years to come.  While there are things that hurt when someone lets you go in their life unexplained and you don't even understand, I can see through the fog that I have been blessed: by new people who've become friends, things I've done, adventures I've taken, ways I've pushed myself to learn, grow, and experience. I've genuinely had great times with her and that doesn't change, no matter the outcome I face now.

Friendship is supposed to be a two-way street, and while it ebbs and flows, it shouldn't be only a one-way path. Ever. You shouldn't become unworthy of a text, a how are you, a what's going on with you. Let alone a call or getting together.

It may simply be time to move on, let go, and I have enjoyed and noticed other friendships blossom and grow, so it reminds me of that saying "People enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime" and I guess I have been hung up on classifying her incorrectly all this time. I thought she was in the lifetime boat, but it turns out perhaps she was seasonal or for a variety of reasons. And that has to be okay. As a dear friend told me, "it might help you to reclassify her as an "acquaintance" rather than a "former best friend", as it might simply hurt less for you, and make a transition easier and possible."  Thank you, friend!  It is indeed time.

I look forward to letting this go, letting her go and moving forward to the land of "somebody I used to know." It's too hard to stay emotionally connected. For me. Time to let go, time to move on, time to stop worrying, wondering, wishing. Just time.

So, I forgive you my new acquaintance, or stranger with memories: for the hurts you have caused, the pains you have done, and that you no longer see value in my friendship. I thank you for your part in my journey while it lasted, and for those memories that I will cherish in my heart, tucked away. I release you.

Daring, Delightful, Diva