Plus One - "Meet"iversary

It seems my most popular post has been One Year of Plus One so I figured I may provide an update to appease your likeness. People must love a love story :)   Today is our "Meet"iversary - we met two years ago and my my have things changed! For the better I might add! Might as well capture the story for us all too!



So, as I (or we) tell it - Two years ago I was meeting my friend Matt for an adult beverage at the Headframes Spirits, a local distillery 'tasting room' - NOT a bar, since I would never in a million years meet my man in a bar!!  ;)   Apparently Matt was kept late at work and was running late.  That didn't stop me from grabbing a seat at the bar and waiting....next to this nice gentleman on the end, who struck up a conversation with me.  Well, 30-45 minutes later Matt arrives and simply joins in the conversation, which turned around to sushi, among other topics.  Matt 'accidentally' wingman'ed that night to say "oh hey we should all grab sushi sometime, I've got to run, why don't you two exchange numbers and we'll make that happen!" Well-played my friend, well-played!  So we did!



Then he was following me home!!!  WHAT??  Could he be a creeper, what was going on?  Then he turned a block from my house - PHEW!  He texted me that very night - none of this waiting 3-4 days to play it cool!  I asked him where he lived and we discovered that we only lived ONE BLOCK apart on parallel streets!  How convenient as we began hanging out...as friends. 



Due to many reasons - a recent break-up, his divorce not being final, an impending move to Pittsburgh on his part - I threw my love in the infamaous FRIEND ZONE!!  I know, I know!  Every guy hates to hear that word!  It worked out, trust me - the guy GOT THE GIRL in the end!  In fact, at a graduation party one of his friends said "dude, you're in the 1%!!!" so I asked what the 1% referred to, and his friend enlightened me that he was a rare case that less than 1% of men actually come out of the Friend Zone!  Well, long story short, everyone has been happy for us both, to find someone, and it doesn't matter to us that we did grow out of friendship first and only.  We got to truly know each other without so much as a kiss getting in the way first.....



ANNNNND because he is such a gentleman, I did have to make that first kiss happen...he was surely respecting the Friend Zone - though I am sure he sensed long before that I wondered and he decided to torture me.  But, I respect him for respecting me and we've been together ever since that first kiss, and have bought a house and moved in together with all our kiddos - the HyattBerry Bunch!  :)

Delightful, DATING, Digital Diva :)

I MIGHT be a runner...IF...

Well, RUNNING has been my 'new' thing for a while now, and yet I do not consider myself a runner. I had an AH-HA moment yesterday and perhaps I am close to admitting that I am a runner.

SO why don't I consider myself a runner you ask? I stink at it!!! It does not feel natural, it is hard for me, I am not efficient at it. I looked like a curvy belly dancer in the beginning, haha! It does not feel OF ME...yet. That is shifting and here is some help for me:

I MIGHT BE A RUNNER IF:
- I take a picture with my first race bib? (which was July of 2013! almost one year ago exactly today!)
- Have completed a half marathon and not 2 minutes later while in pain I could admit that it was my FIRST half marathon?
- I have planned a trip or two around a race?  First one was Rock N Roll in St. Louis with these fine folks >>>
- I plan my week around training schedules and when to fit runs in
- I have my medals hanging up in my room - yup, like a kid who participated in science fair - I earned these puppies and they remind me why I run - or keep me going when I want to sleep longer!
- I take pictures while out on races - having fun with people, collecting cool t-shirt quotes, taking in the sites, sounds and smells, along with friends to run with making it all that much more enjoyable!
- I have "runner friends" an all new category for me :)
- I have something in common with people all over - and  you stop someone with a shirt from a race you are signed up for that they've clearly done - just today!
- I have more workout clothes in the dirty laundry than anything else
- I spend more money on special fitted running shoes than high heels
- I use a training app, GPS app, FitBit and more to know my pace, distance, speed, you name it!  ANNNNND, 4.89 miles is NOT 5!  HAHA
- I hit a long run and hit over 15,000 steps before 10:00 am on FitBit - before anyone else is awake!

And you are probably wondering which of these was my big
AH-HA moment?  Well, this weekend after wake boarding for the first time on Saturday, I could barely roll over in bed so sore - and I still found myself trying to get up to squeeze in a run - and cranked out almost 4 miles even that sore. 

Soooo, I had this thought on that run this weekend, a little sore, loosening up my body, feeling the cool air in the morning, running in the sunshine -

MAYBE I AM A RUNNER....
~Daring, Delightful, Digital RUNNING Diva :)

Falling apart, falling into place, strength, courage

We, or our friends, go through rough times in and out of relationships and have break-ups and divorces.  Here are some words of wisdom, quotes I love and thoughts that helped get me through some of those times, and I hope it helps someone else too.  Come here when you feel weak, scared, lonely, or that you can't get through this...Let's start with one of my all-time favs:

In the end, everything will be okay - if it's not okay, then it's not the end.  Quite simply...life has ups and downs, so if you are experiencing a down....this too shall pass, and things will be okay again. 

Things fall apart, so enjoy the mess, learn to sit in the muck, the mess and do all you can to take things as a learning opportunity, a door closing, but another opening...things will fall into place...

PLOT TWIST is one of the hardest to apply...we hang on, we try, we work at something, or someone...sometimes it's simply time to let go and move on.

Self-respect - when you finally get this one, then it is easier for the care and well-being of yourself to walk away from things and people that are not in your life for your highest good or purpose.

When pain, life's changes, etc are due to another person, or a relationship...it is very difficult to let go, if you are compassionate, care, and have the personality to keep on trying, give it your all, put in 110%.  How many times have you caught yourself saying you can "make this work"? Sometimes in relationships, you have to give up on the other person, not because you don't care...but because they don't care - enough about themselves or the relationship....or YOU. Let it go.

During a break-up of mine in the past, I was struggling to be the good person, be supportive, he had lost his job, flipped out and broken up...what was I to do?  I chose to be there...when he called or texted, or missed me, or wanted me back. I've joked with my friends that I'm sure they wanted to slap some sense into me!  What I hadn't quite figured out, until my boss said "run, Tabatha, run...I've learned in my life that 100% of the time, people show you their true character during adversity" that it clicked....I mean REALLY clicked.  People show you who they are all the time...let them, then learn from it and decide if this is the kind of person, character that you want to surround yourself with.  Let it go if it is not. 

One of my ALL TIME favorite poems, given to me in a rough time and a break up is the poem LET IT GO by T. D. Jakes.  Here is a video of Preacher TD Jakes in hiw own words during a sermon on the subject as well.  The moral? 

Let someone go...if they can walk away from you, then let them walk.  Don't try to talk another person into staying, loving you, calling you, dating you, being with you - let them walk if they are going to walk.  PERIOD.
Because your destiny is not tied to a person who left. Their time or purpose in your life or story has passed. Let them go.  Here is his poem as well.  Print it, post it, read it, believe it..........

And so, sometimes we are left simply needing STRENGTH - We overcome so much in life, and we do get through it, and I have found ALWAYS that I truly am stronger for it.   This is easier said than done at times, but that is why we must lean on friends, family and our support network to get through the tough times.  We are not strong enough yet, or on our own, so we need the village to help us get through.

Storms, trees, roots, winds....I love nature and we can learn from it.  Storms make trees take deeper roots, grow more deeply, and we can too.
We have to know, believe in ourselves, and weather these storms. We will see the sunshine again, the blue skies, feel the breeze, smell the flowers...


And we look back and think - I am in a much better place now...and I AM stronger!
To all my friends having rough times - words of encouragement, strength, wisdom...And here are some more blogs to fill your heart, ease your mind - Words of Wisdom by Maya Angelou, Me Time is Important, Spread Your Wings and Fly, My Wish For YOU, Blossom with the right person, Closure? Change?  Bring it!, Outside My Box, and The Power of Positive...and certainly read back, and enjoy!  
~Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva

Maya Angelou - teacher of women, men alike

You may have heard, you may not have heard - Artist, author, spokeswoman for equality, rights, and peace, Maya Angelou has passed away today.  I did not read everything she wrote, but what I read, I found peace, wisdom and for all that she endured, WOW is all I can say. 

She was not an angry woman, full of hate at the world who treated her so poorly or the way and time she grew up.  She chose differently, and chose to break the cycle. I watched her from afar, catching quotes, video clips, appearances, and her general presence in the media.  She was famous, yes...but she did not act like the trash we get to see on TV and in the 'news' - she was to my knowledge, always dignified, wise, calming, kind and good natured to a fault, peaceful just to watch.

She and her wisdom, yearning for peace will carry on through others, and I know the world has become a better place with her in it....and her essence will be carried on...

Some of my favorite quotes from Dr. Maya Angelou and what I've learned:

Do the best you can until you know better - why would we know better and still behave the same way?  What kind of self-improvement is that?  Do something better today.

Looking back on feeling REJECTED vs REDIRECTED - when have we ever looked back and seen that it really was better back then?  Not me.  I look back and think PHEW I avoided this or that, or I got to experience this great thing or meet this great person.  This is especially true in DATING and I cannot tell you enough.  LET GO of people who do not serve you, open the door for the next great person, and help redirect yourself to where you are meant to be.  Life is grande.

Also in dating as with the rest of life, remember that people show you their true nature, one way or another.  Soooo, if someone fills you full of lies and excuses, Listen, then let them go.  If someone you are dating loses their job and breaks up...let them go, since that is not someone that you are meant to get through life's challenges WITH...let them go.  If you meet people who are unkind to others, gossip, talk ill of others, LISTEN and choose to surround yourself with better people.  Listen to people's true nature.  The kindness one shows when nobody is looking, the generosity, the thoughtfulness even in this busy world. LISTEN to the good and bring more in, LISTEN and let go of all you don't need.

Normal...what IS normal anyway and why do we strive for it?  Why not blaze our own trail, make paths, be leaders.  Once you let go of what others think of you, how you 'should' act or be, then life really is more amazing.  We have to figure our way there, teach others around us.  We have to dance crazy in the middle of the store in front of our kids to make the point, so be it.  We do our own thing, find new hobbies, give new things and new people a try.  Life is exciting, rewarding and breathtaking when you let go of the notion of NORMAL and just BEEEEE YOU...BEEEAUTIFUL you. 


 We cannot forget how others make or made us feel, but how we also have the power of how we make someone feel.  We might forget the words, the actions, but not the feelings tied to emotions.  This reminds me to be kind with my words and actions, but also how I make someone FEEL...And for me, this one reminds me to make people feel WORTHY...of my time, my actions, and my attention.  So give people your time, your attention, set the cell phone down and interact with humans around you. 


 Another dating lesson learned - is to not make someone a priority when you are only an option.  Value and self-worth can be tough lessons to learn, and how many times do we give people chances?  How many apologies do we give?  When do we stand up and say "I'm worth it" and raise our standards?  I had my learning lessons - being stood up, disrespected, yelled at, called names, finding time for everyone or everything but me.  Here's what I learned. I can't make something work by myself, and if it's meant to work, it will without daily effort and strife and struggle. Here's the biggie - when I raised my standards and started teaching people how to treat me, and respected myself enough to expect respect...then I stopped dating the wrong kind of man for me. When a woman stops asking herself why she keeps dating jerks....and instead quits picking the jerks, then life really is different on the other side.

So, here's to you, Maya Angelou - on teach everyone, and especially women how to respect ourselves and others, stand up for what we believe, be more kind and generous, get educated and so much more.
~Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva

Busy, Busy, Busy - Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

How many times a day do you hear people tell you that they are "SOOOOO busy"?  I bet you cannot count on even both hands! 

 

I am in health and wellness, have five children, a partner, hobbies, exercise, sleep, and more - and certainly could subscribe to the "I'm too busy" notion if I wanted to.  The fact is, we are ALL busy, and while I'm sure you could graph it out and find that some people are actually busier than others, it is not a competition.  It is a way of life these days it seems and it is also not a pile of excuses -

 

Excuses for not keeping in touch, not following through on something, not helping a neighbor or friend, not holding a door open for a stranger, not, not, not. 

 

In my family we DO - we fit it in!  We enjoy life to the fullest!  I have had some people ask me how I fit it all in, how I have the energy - it is true that I am energetic, for sure!  But we just WANT to fit it in!  Attitude is all it takes!  We don't complain about cooking the kids dinner around science projects and track meets and more - we fit it in and as a family event, teaching them along the way!  We fit time in with kids, sports, friends, house projects (moved recently), travel, work, surgeries, and more.  We don't use it as an excuse - we can still check on a friend in need, volunteer our time and more.  And we teach the kids the same.  We have a couple of introverts in the bunch, so I have also learned very well now that everyone requires different levels of down time, alone time - and take those opportunities to fit in more things or my own things, or find value in nothingness, mindless TV on occasion and whatnot.  Together couple time is also important so we fit that in as well! 

 

It works, life is enjoyable, fit it in, change the attitude - thinking "oh man I have to...." is far different than "hey guys, let's all...." And stop using I'M BUSY as an excuse....I type this on the last day that my clients are due to finish their wellness requirements and probably the day BEFORE I hear the most excuses ever ;) Just sayin' ;)

 

~Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva

Action-packed Kids! Sports moments to shine!

I have been having SO much fun with all the kids in my life capturing those hard-to-get moments mid-pass, mid-air, mid-jump, you name it. I love to see the look on their face when they see the photo of "wow, that's me, that's a great shot"! One other thing they can see is stance, a hand or foot placement, good or bad for learning in the sport, which is nice!

Watching each of them improve, blossom and grow throughout a season or sport has been awesome to capture as well!

I am so grateful my camera serves for personal reasons, as well as photo shoots too! ~Delightful, Digital Diva (&mom)

Parenthood with the D - Divorced and Dating

Dating as a Divorced person is beyond challenging, and I have been at this for 7 years, so I have had some practice. My kids were about 2 and 5 when we split, so that is quite a bit different than teenagers, or any other ages. We all know it can be done, that people remarry, it just hasn't happened for me yet.

Here is what I have learned from dating so far:

• I strongly and whole-heartedly disagree with the likes of Dr. Laura and others that take a stance on waiting until your kids are 18 to date. AS IF! Why should our kids see 1) you put your own happiness in the partnership realm on hold for YEARS? and 2) why on God's green earth would we want our children to see the last relationship that you've ever been in as a dysfunctional unhealthy mess? What does that teach them as they are teens and venturing out into the world of dating? NADA! 
• The healthy version in my world from the extreme of NOT dating at all, would be to date healthfully - not having men or women in and out like a revolving door; being choosy in who you are dating; being careful and at what level do you have someone meet your kids, and how you two interact with and in front of the kids as a couple to teach them about healthy relationships. Only 3-4 men in 7 years have even met my children and oddly enough, my daughter now 12 was shocked that I had dated others she didn't know about! HAHA! Finding the balance of dating long enough to get to know the person, sense potential for long-term seriousness, but not too far along before meeting kiddos works best I feel. 
• Keeping the communication open with the kids along the way - I have always had an open relationship with my children (kind of easy to do since I'm the health/wellness/coach/weirdo lady!) and talked to them even when they were 2 and 5 about dating, that we would both meet other people over time, etc. In fact, one of the best explanations for young ones that I learned from a former boss was that dating men/women was like trying on a shirt...to see if it fit, felt comfortable, matched other things in your closet, and fit with your lifestyle, personality AND them...I used that and to this day my kids will handle a break-up decently without much damage, because they have known all along that we are trying this out, spending time with this man to see how it works.

That's what I've learned SO FAR....but I am in an all-new area in my life, because I have a wonderful man and his three children in our lives and it is getting pretty serious! I love it and it feels right, AND I broke MANY if not ALL my 'RULES' that I had for myself for dating to boot (another post with links from previous blogs coming!) All the kids seem comfortable with each of us, and we have both kept all the communication and discussions open all along the way, taking into account each child, issues, personalities, and more. Things seem to be falling into place and happening naturally, so it feels WONDERFUL!

In fact, it was with this dear man that I realized that in seven YEARS I have never been on the other side with ME meeting somone else's kids! Never! Oh how I was so nervous!!! That went well, is going well, as we all get to know one another, hang out, get comfy and move forward.   It is what I have dreamed of - not a fairytale dream - but the REAL dream of doing well for the most part, working through issues and adjustments and life's happening all around us, for us, the couple, any one or more of the kids and working as a TEAM on those things. It is amazing and the best partnership I've ever experienced....This is the way it should be!

Enjoying this journey in dating in the land of divorcees that we are on, as we blend, merge and integrate our lives and that of our children too. BONUSES....

Delightfully Dating Diva :)

One year of Plus One

I've been divorced for seven+ years now, and while I've dated, we know how that can go - check out Too Tall Brian, Coffee Guy, Lawyer, and more ;) HAHA! 

I recall in all my singlehood days reading He's Not That Into You, Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, and received dating advice from every person in the world, blind dates, online dates, you name it.  I developed RULES even, and tried to follow all of them.  Sometimes I didn't care to meet anyone, other times I wanted to find someone desperately.  I learned ALL along the way some very valuable lessons that I get to apply now. 

This is my one year anniversary with my sweetie and it feels amazing!  THIS is how it should be - not WORK all the time, daily!  Yes, some work between us, but daily just to function or get along?  NOOOO thank you!  It feels wonderful that this is simple, easy, and just so darn enjoyable most the time! 

I recall seeing a snippet of a talk show of all things saying it should be good at least 80% of the time - well boy do I feel blessed!  This man loves me, loves my children, communicates, makes plans, and is all about having us in his and his children's lives.  Period.  End of story, and I notice when he shares something with a friend, or introduces me to people he'd like me to meet.  He discusses big life plans and just so much more. 

There ARE nice guys out there that will open doors for you, pay for meals and drinks, take you on dates, respect your wishes.  I put this man in the infamous "FRIEND ZONE" for about 5 months before I got smart enough to date him myself before some gal snatched him up.  That was invaluable time to really get to know one another without the 'dating' stuff even getting in our way, as two people.  I guess he had to become my best friend before my boyfriend and I don't think that's a bad plan at all! 
Delightful Digital DATING Diva :)

Find Out What He's INTO......mmmmmm ;)

OHHHHH Valentine, how I love thee, let me count the ways....  Expressions of love are so much fun and should be everyday.  While I may not like the commercialized ways that Valentine's Day has become, there is one of MY personal favorites for gifts - that is not overly common like flowers, candy, and blah blah blah.  Don't our men find us sexy, beautiful and love how we look?  Why shouldn't we too?  They ARE into YOU....

I have had more women take the plunge, be bold, be brave, and have incredible amounts of FUN - with a Daring Diva photo shoot.  What's the most fun for me is bringing out the self-image for the woman - feeling beautiful, gorgeous - the parts that the men already feel about you! But, I also LOVE helping each Daring Diva figure out what HE is into as well! This gal's man is a big gamer, so why not have a little fun with that, AND wearing his favorite shirt?  Then she chose to follow it up with his gift being a calendar since he's a mechanic and would love it in his garage or shop! That makes the BEST combo! a win-win-win!

So find out what your partner is into, pull together some favorite things and let's get together for some Daringly Delicious photo fun for a creative and incredibly thoughtful gift this Valentine's!

~Daring, Digital Diva

Find some samples HERE and click on Daring Divas - then contact me - you know you want to!