Being Open - in ALL kinds of places!

Well, I have decided to be open to meeting people, but have recently discovered a couple things.  People SAY there are still good men left, but nobody KNOWS any!  HA HA So here is a funny story about meeting people in all kinds of unexpected places!

I was meeting with a couple insurance agents getting quotes.  While waiting for things, small chat ensued and upon getting an idea of who or how I am, one joked that I was quite a catch!  I said after my recent ponderings over where the good men are, said "I AM a good catch, but where are any good men to match me with if there are some left then?" He said he had someone in mind and proceeded to tell me about him and got VERY excited about the possibility!  We carried on about our insurance business and I asked him WHY he thought of that guy and me - what made it click for him, what his reasons were.  He shared them and I agreed AND at the same time realized how transparent I am and come across to the world!  HA HA

Well, there was a knock at the door and I joked that it MUST be him....but it REALLY WAS - as evidenced by the other two agents getting red in the face, giggly and quiet, not quite knowing how I pulled THAT one off!  So, that left ME to say something to this poor, unsuspecting fella (who was tall, dark, handsome and intelligent like they said!). 

I introduced myself, asked who he was and let him in on the fact that we had just guessed that it would be him and that they were conspiring to set the two of us up!  We all laughed, and he didn't quite know what to do about that!  He had to run, and the one agent said "I'm talkin to you when she leaves!" HA HA
I DID be brave, left my number for him, said I was game because you never know...we'll see if he calls!

Breaking the Rules!

So, I have so many rules that all the lady friends tease me...see posts below for a fun time! 
Well, even I was bound to break one...or two.  I did!  I stepped outside my box, was logical, thought it through and then BAM...broke a rule!

My friends and I went dancing one night, and I believe RULE #1 is to NOT give my number to a guy in a bar!  You can just imagine where this is going, but here's the story...and the learning experience!

My friends and I noticed this REALLY GREAT dancer early in the evening, he was just amazing to watch...we watched, then did our own thing for some time.  I lost a friend and went to an area with a platform so I could see better, when lo and behold I was standing right next to that fabulous dancer!  Here is what we noticed, he did ANY kind of dancing, never left the floor, and never had a drink in his hand...aside from being attractive!  So, I decided to be brave and said he was a VERY good dancer, fun to watch...small chat for a few minutes later, he asked why I didn't ask him to dance, to which I replied "you were ON the dance floor the whole time!" so he grabbed my hand and asked if I would please dance with him!  We did...for HOURS!  Without leaving the floor, without that awkward leaving the dance floor after the obligatory single dance...it felt so natural, so smooth, we just kept dancing...!  Two step, jitterbug, more and more, slow and fast.  Then the music switched to hip hop and he went with that too - very well I might add!  My dream come true would be a guy who can dance! 

Well, without thinking of 'hooking up' and the 'exchanging' of numbers, I was so in the moment I was shocked when they announced 2nd to last song and we had danced for a couple hours!  I joked that it didn't seem he'd be letting me go for the last 2 songs and he replied that he'd have a hard time letting me go at the end!  He then did the usual of wanting to go hang out, grab a bite, or exchange numbers, and the whole while I was stumbling over my rules...refused to give him my number, telling him of my silly rule, to which he suggested we step outside, then I wouldn't be IN a bar and could give it to him, or I could take his number instead.  I kind of agreed! 

On our way out, I found my friend again, only to find out she had dislocated her KNEE!!!!   Well, this fella had said he was a medic and we got to find out he wasn't LYING!  He stepped up, helped for almost an hour getting her ice, wrapping her knee and helping to the car.  He even phoned ahead the hospital we were going to head to.  Then he turned to leave to let me handle it from there, and said so cute over his shoulder 'I told you I was a nice guy!" and I said I'd break my rule and give him my number and I did! 

Well, here is where my confusion comes into play - he hasn't called.  Danced for hours, not drunk, wanted my number, wanted to grab a bite to eat, wasn't lying about his profession even, called the hospital doing what he said he'd do...and yet hasn't called.  What gives?  Did he think because I wouldn't that I wasn't really interested?  The funny thing if that may be the case, is that I WAS interested...enough to break my first and foremost rule TO give it to him! 

Here's what I am thinking...my defensive self-protecting ways wants to further stick to my rules now and not EVER give my number out.  The brave outside-my-box self thinks I was meant to bend or break my own rules...I made them, I saw logically that he seemed fine to give my number to him and it did break all my thinking and boundaries that I wouldn't or couldn't meet someone in a bar.  Maybe that was all that was supposed to happen, regardless of him calling...though DANCING the night away again would have been amazing, and throw in a dinner or something too!  Could have been fun! 

I guess here's to jumping back in AND breaking the rules!

NEW RULES!

Well, all my single ladies, I have 3 original dating rules you can find below, but I am now incorporating some NEW ones, namely some ONLINE RULES!

1. Watch out for SHORT profiles - they don't put enough thought, time, or effort into it and how can you tell them apart without some details?
2. Get to the meeting quickly, but also not too quickly!  Example: You don't want to be emailing for a few weeks, then maybe a phone call or two finally before you meet.  BUT on the other end, you don't want to have a connection then meet the next day either!  You want to be taken seriously and that you are worth meeting, but you also don't want to appear desperate and completely available!
3. Watch for the men that say LONELY, or 'missing someone' and other such things!  Those are likely the desperate ones, looking for you to fill a void.  Each person should be whole, complete people looking to share some fun in life with a complimentary partner...that's it.
4. If you email and they don't reply, leave it alone, you only want the ones interested in you anyway.  
5. Feel free to let them take the lead & ask for your phone number, or personal email, etc...or even to meet up somewhere.
6. ALWAYS meet somewhere, drive yourself, make it public, make it time-limited in case it does not go well.
7. HAVE FUN!!!  This online thing is supposed to be a vehicle to MEET people, that's it!  Get to the meeting, see what happens from there, one date no harm done!  Free meal?  Maybe...

Later gals!

Ski Trip - Lawyer

Well, one match.com guy I went on 5 or so dates with and I felt comfortable & when he invited me to go skiing to Big Sky, I decided things were going well enough that I accepted!  It sounded fun, getting away, and I had never skiied there! 

So Saturday we headed up, he was sweet, affectionate, excited, funny, all the same.  He paid for everything (he's a lawyer, I don't think money is an issue!) and it was seemingly very fun!  All went well Saturday night, even given the awkward 'overnight' scenario. 

So what happened Sunday morning?  I woke up with Jekyl!  He was irritable, snippy, rude, short with me, uninterested in a damn thing I had to say, walked off into restaurants and rooms without me, all kinds of stuff!  I think we both could hardly wait to get home. 

BUT, the skiing WAS amazing!  I kept telling him he could go do black diamond runs if he wanted to, that I didn't want to hold him back, because I just wanted to ENJOY the skiing without pressure & without his irritations. I wanted to ride the lifts with interesting people, like the couple guys from TEXAS here for a medical conference.  Life is great, no sense for grumpiness! AND, if he was that way in the beginning when one is supposed to be on your best behavior, then what would I possibly be getting into?  YUCK!  No thanks!

Coffee Guy

Well, here is an interesting scenario.  After all these previous guys I was trying to see how to meet a guy, not have it be with friends, with alcohol, and not for too long in case it went badly, and I thought of it!

I emailed one guy that I found intriguing on the site, and I said that I was going to cancel my membership as it wasn't meant for me to meet people this way.  But he intrigued me at least in writing and if he felt like meeting me in the real world, I frequented the Off The Leaf Coffee Bar on Friday mornings about 8:05-8:30.  I said that on a Monday and forgot about it, never really thinking that someone would show up!

Well, I did do my usual stop on Friday morning, grabbed my drink, visited with the friendly staff, got the paper, ran into a friend and said hello, then sat at a table...when here comes this incredibly handsome fella who says to me "Where's your box of crayons?"  I was STUNNED to say the least...that he showed up!  And the crayon line?  He had said in his profile that he ran with scissors, didn't obey the speed limit and coloered outside the lines...so I had replied in my email to him that I came with my own box of crayons for doing just that! 

Well, we visited for an hour and I thought it was GREAT! I would have completely seen him again...I gave him my phone number and haven't heard yet.  He said he could be such a procrastinator and had even sat down to reply to me a couple times then got this coffee email and decided to come.  So, if one is going to procrastinate THAT much, I'm not interested...even though he was DAMN cute and intelligent!  Too bad! 

GAY-dar Guy

Ok, my Gay-dar is right on most the time, but man alive! I recently connected with a guy from Bozeman on the match site and he wanted to come up to Billings and meet me, so I agreed, safely to an afternoon date and thought I'd play it by ear. I had a birthday party with friends later.


So, coffee, lunch and a hike all seemed to go well, but something was at least a little goofy about this guy. Intelligent, but a little geeky admittedly. Certainly was behaving better than some others anyway and seemed like a gentleman anyway!

Since it was all going fairly well, I asked if he'd like to stay and go with me and my friends. Dinner out with 3 gal pals went well, they LIKED him! He faired well with them, and then we met up with more friends and one good guy friend said "HE'S GAY!!!!" and we all went berserk! Really? He had an accent and spoke with a bit of a lisp which was annoying, but we didn't pick up on any GAY vibes! UNTIL THEN!!! Then, everything he did I thought how dorky and GAY he was! And I was stuck on the date, because I had asked him to join us! Learning lesson!

Well, things got REALLY weird after the date, and the next night on the phone I was saying it just wasn't going to work out and he asked me for my GUY friend's phone number! Said he was such a nice guy, so sweet to us ladies, he didn't want him thinking bad of him, etc... and all I could think was - GAAAAAY!!!! And then he went on and on to tell me how he was ATTRACTED to my girlfriend! He did NOT just say that!!!!?? It went completely downhill from there. I told him I had to go call her and got off the phone with him. He then called 5 times in an hour and tried a few more days...then I finally called him back to leave him a nastygram...and sadly, he UNFRIENDED me on Facebook! Phew! Another one bites the dust!

Too Tall

Another story for the books! TooTallBrian! Well, the guy was attractive and interesting on his profile and let this be a lesson to learn from! On the phone he mentioned that he modeled a time or two, but there wasn't much need for SIX-FOOT-TEN models - and my only instinct was - man, this guy could likely be full of himself! I am ON!!!

He earned brownie points by meeting me AND a couple friends for a night out - lesson learned...no friends, no alcohol on a first date! He faired well during dinner, except that he was NEXT to me and across from my two friends, so conversation steered more toward them...but he was nice, kind of funny and bought dinner for all of us.

Then on to the next place where we stepped out of the car and he had a cigarette! His profile had said NO WAY to smoking! Oh NO!!! This was the beginning of a downhill slide!

Out dancing stunk at the hiphop place, as he tried to hook up at other tables of girls 'his friend' and ignored me dancin out all sexy-like on the dancefloor...the excuse? ‘Not my kind of music’. My friends said to ditch him, but I thought, OH, one more chance...so we moved to a country bar. There, he disappeared completely and WE were looking for a ride home, got one arranged and then he appeared. So, I watched my friends closely, made a fabulous EXIT speech, turned around to grab my friend's hand and exit to her arranged ride. Only guess what? NO RIDE!!! They bailed! So, here I gave this great exit speech, told the guy off and when he and his friend came looking for us ended up taking us back to our car! How AWKWARD!!

And then the funniest thing? He marked me as 'INTERESTED' the next week on the Match.com site! WHATEVER!!!

NICE GUY

Well, lo and behold, it was bound to happen - and right off the bat!  The guy who we all know suffers from NICE GUY Syndrome, right?  Yep, you bet!

Connected online with a nice fella, had great and witty emails, then great and witty conversations on the phone for hours...then the first date...not bad!  Then two dates, and pretty quickly it was apparent that he was into me than I was into him. 

I wasn't sure though, either, having been out of the game for a while, and so I wanted to be friends, see what happened, and do you know what????  He didn't WANT to be my friend!  He's been 'in the Friend Zone" far too many times, so he just would rather not be there with me.  CRAZY!  So, I was worth dating, being with, seeing if a together-life would grow, but NOT to be my friend?  WOW!!!  Moving on I guess!

ONLINE?

I am in the middle of an experiment.  I have been torn about online dating, but decided to at least add the experience to my collection!  So, on the first day, I had gotten 5 emails, and a couple of "WINKS" ; )  whatever that is! 

I found completing the profile a VERY good learning experience, and you can complete a profile without officially signing up and paying for the service...I completed 2 different sites to see what was better.  I tried eHarmony and Match.com and found Match.com to have MORE matches for me to choose from (come on, a girl still wants CHOICE, right?) and the matches were IN Billings.  So, that led me to pay and sign up and see who my matches were! 

It has been entertaining, interesting, intriguing, and odd all at the same time.  A couple fellas and I have been emailing back and forth, a few I have emailed and have gotten no response - and one who marked me as a "favorite" but hasn't bothered to respond!  Darn, he sounded VERY intelligent, funny and interesting, too! 

I have realized this about online dating so far - while you are increasing your chances of meeting and connecting with people, at the same time you are increasing your rejection ratio as well!  I have rejected some, and some likely are rejecting me.  But, in keeping the perspective, that is why I did this...to throw out who and how I am, take it or leave it...so leave it if you're not interested!  The same goes for me!  : )

RULES

So, my friends tease me all the time about all these RULES that I have in regards to dating.  There are not many, but I stand by them very strongly and I wish more of my friends developed their own rules too...or just followed mine!  : )

1. Never give out your phone number in a BAR...NEVER!  You are not going there to meet guys; you will not meet Mr. Right in a bar; and if he's truly meant for you, certainly you'd run into him somewhere else!
2. Never ditch plans with friends for a date; Karma is just asking to get even! Bad date, getting stood up, you name it!  It shows character to not cancel on plans you have, and if the guy is interested, he will wait and try for another night!
3. NEW  to the menu!  Implement the "90-day" rule!  Make a guy earn his keep, show up on time, treat you right, etc before giving him the 'benefits' or the 'cookie' ; ) (See The COOKIE post for more info, from Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man book!)

Well, even I was meant to semi-break my own rules at some point and I have learned my lesson!  I gave out my number to a guy that I had danced with on 3 separate occasions at a bar...but I didn't give him my number even then.  My friends and I went to eat afterwards, when he and his brother showed up about 20 minutes later!  So, my friends said that I was no longer IN a bar and could give him my number, or take his at the very least.  So, I took his, and called him a few days later.  We have been communicating and I have learned very much to NEVER break my rule again! UUUUGH! Just not the guy for me...I am very intuitive about these things - and even so, sometimes it is just obvious! HAHA

Nice guy, but I am VERY different kind of girl and am a LOT to handle to begin with.  So last night he texted "did you have a good day or are you in one of your moods" - and that will be the last call or text that he gets from me...If this was only the beginning of a relationship thing, what fun is THAT??? Ick!   My moods are my business, and I guess I'm not in the MOOD to hear from him again! 
SO, I guess I have a BAR GUY to add to the mix, and move on to better!  Oy!

Facebook, REALLY?

So, Facebook is for catching up with current, new AND old friends, right? I do just that, stay in better touch - at least in a passive and voyeuristic way!  I had the funniet thing happen to me recently, and 2+2 only happened because the stars aligned just so and things happened kind of automatically!

One afternoon, I booked a trip to Kalispell for work, kind of last minute, scheduled it, made arrangements for the kids, all those travel things you do!  That very evening I was on Facebook, and got a friend request from an old "neighbor boy" friend of mine from 5th grade on up!  I accepted his request, excited to see what he'd been up to, and I saw that he lived in KALISPELL!  I sent him a message catching up and also letting him know that I was coming to Kalispell that very next week! 

We spent a week emailing, calling and texting to the point we were both like little kids, so excited to meet and catch up - it was a playdate!  Well, lo and behold; what was to be old friends & neighbors catching up, turned into an attraction and a DATE - or two!  Funny thing is, nothing will come of it , with 7 hours and reality between us, but it was enjoyable and fun!  And, I learned that Facebook and other methods of meeting and staying in touch can bring all kinds of possibilities!  Every person comes into your life for a REASON, SEASON, or LIFETIME....