Traveler

Another in the line-up of interested suitors was an interesting frequent traveler - He was witty, had a lengthy profile that was so intriguing - I sent him a message before I had even finished reading it!  Woohoo, this had potential!

Well, we hit it off in writing, had some travel, both him and I so there was some delay in talking on the phone, and after a few phone calls, some more travel, we finally we were able to meet....lesson learned?

1. Photos need to be current so they are not deceiving!  he came to the door and wow was he different than his pictures looked, and once I checked again online they were from 2010, a full year between.  It was hard to recover after that, because it felt a bit deceiving.
2. THE MEET - I have to remember not to get ahead of mysefl, it still comes down to meeting someone!  So we had delays before speaking on the phone, then more delays before meeting - that is a lot of time to 'hit it off' in those two venues, to then meet and think FAAAZZZIZZZZLE!!!  DUD!

Cutting losses, moving forward!  :)

Young Student

With my energy level, some people have told me to try dating younger than myself so one has a slim chance of keeping up with me!
Well I did have an opportunity to attempt this, since a 26-year-old studnent contacted me on the dating website.  I politely replied to him and was planning on being dismissive and moving on...and he replied again. He was smart, witty and mature, surprisingly for his age.  So we got to chatting and the like...

But, alas, after much chatting, messaging, we even met.  We discussed openly the age difference and it was clearly about life stages, not age. And we also joked about me being a cougar, him a boy toy, me a MILF....silliness!
Lesson learned, life stage can be too much to overcome and make a go of a relationship!
Cutting losses, moving forward, carry on!  And I got a good friend out of the deal, so that just can't be that bad!

Fellow Parent

Second up was a fellow parent of two children similar ages to my own.  Many lessons with this one after a couple dates!

1. Some people still hold a lot of anger, resentment or issues with the ex, so cut your losses and RUN!
2. It is logistically more difficult to date someone else with kids - based on schedules, time with the kids, activities with the kids...and then add distance on top of that, it feels 99% unlikely that anything will work out!
3. AND the biggie!  I am not a 'booty call'!  Man alive, after 2 dates, he was coming through town and literally wanted to 'connect' I believe is what he said, even if I had only lunch, coffee, or to meet at my house - no thank you!  And big surprise I haven't heard from him again!  WOWSA!

Cutting losses, lessons learned, moving forward! Dare to live...dance....be...date! :)

Goofy Fella

First up from the revamped online dating experience is the 'goofy fella' from a town about 80 miles away.  I have to think of the lessons learned here, so while some things were great, like his humor, wittiness, fun nature - there were some drawbacks that were clearly NOT going to work for me, my personality, or my lifestyle!

So the lesson learned for me was when I sent a text that unbeknownst to me would strike a chord as a litmus test - into the 'kid zone' since this man was 40 and does not have children of his own, I realized I didn't quite know how he felt.  So, one evening after a rough night with the kiddos I let him know that - and a) he made a smart-a$$ comment about kids and b) he didn't want to visit with me, preferring to read a bit instead, so clearly unable to step outside his own needs to be there for someone else. 

DONE!  Cut our losses, moving on, lessons and needs learned!  WOOHOO!

More Online

Each of us should take some time to refocus, regroup, recooperate and recover after a breakup - and at some point we have to get back on the horse, right?  Either people cannot resist setting you up, you are social and out and about, and you might like to attempt to add someone into your adventure of life!  Well, such is the case for me!  HOWEVER...

For me several factors are playing into the 'meeting people' scenario:  1) smaller town, 2) largely blue collar town, 3) working for one of the largest employers, but not wishing to date someone from work, 4) no phone numbers in bars, there to dance only not meet people!  SO, my friend encouraged me to try dating online - again! 

I considered her idea - I live close enough to several towns, so even the possibility of someone NOT in my town was appealing, opening up more doors.  As was another aspect - throwing myself out there exactly as I am!  Only those interested in my personality would message me right? 

Well, sort of - there is weeding the garden of the rubbish so to speak, but yes, I have had some dates from there and nothing has worked out so far, but I am trying to just have fun with this, learn something new each time, grow and even think of it as preparing myself for the right relationship as I learn, grow, expand, narrow in on what I would like or NOT like in a partner and relationship!

GUT reactions - and itching

During my divorced life and dating, I have had the oddest experience - ITCHING on my neck if I am uncomfortable in the relationship.  While it has been slightly different with each relationship, it HAS come out and drives me CRAZY! 

So, the very first time, I was 'trying' to date and be into my now-friend and I could NOT for the life of me figure out why I was itching or when - until he joked that I was allergic to him!  Then it dawned on me that I was itching when I was around him, clearly uncomfortable!  He finally called it like it was - I was not that into him - and I did not itch from that day forward!  WOW!   Talk about a gut reaction! 

So, I have paid attention to the itching ever since!  It has been fail-proof so far...until now!  I did not itch while dating this most recent fella, and felt quite comfortable, relaxed, and was listening to my body and gut...or for me, my neck rather!  :)

This time, however, I have been itching SINCE the breakup, since the relationship has resolved, so I do not know what to do, I spoke with him to get closure and that didn't help.  I am being authentic and true to myself...which tends to be the resolution and balancing of the Throat Chakra...to stop the itching.  I do NOT know what is going on this time!  New territory that is for sure. 

I have many opinions when I ask others, trying to help figure out what is going on for me, what I am not being true about, authentic, or ME about!  UGH!   I am open to hearing theories and in the meantime I am using emu oils, anti-itch creams, meditation and other techniques to minimize the itch that is making me crazy!

More Change...and growth!

Well, life has thrown more curve balls my way and change brings growth, right?
I am no longer dating the special man in my life, it seems too much opposite was difficult and fear-inducing for him - and he ran.  He didn't handle things in the greatest or most respectful manner so that adds to the difficulty, but as someone told me I would realize someday...he did the best he could in the moment, and that wasn't good enough for me...So one more door shuts, and we will see about other doors and windows later on. 

This has been difficult to swallow for sure - I had finally trusted again, fell in love again, so it is painful.  I am recovering and focusing on me again and getting back to normal. 
I have learned and am grateful for many things from the experience, even through the pain.

1. Perhaps it was good for me simply TO trust and love again.
2. My kids, while they met him and that is difficult, they also got to see, as did I, how someone CAN be with them, and an experience we all got to have, while brief.
3. I was relaxed finally in dating, enjoying the moments...I was doing GREAT!
4. I tightened my standards yet again and keep getting closer and closer to a good match for me. 

Good luck to all of you in your relationships and learning experiences, I am moving on and back to me!

Ah-ha moments

We all have them, right?  A big moment that we get to say AH-HA, I get it!  Realizing some big piece of ourselves, or in others, or both, or anything in between!

I just got the pleasure of an ah-ha moment - even if it was difficult!  As we maneuver and learn in relationships and are figuring out how each other resonates, behaves, feels, thinks, all of those things - we will stumble upon something that does not work for both parties.  It often can be where we feel 'opposite' from each other - when the opposite things are where we may be weak by nature and actually attract that person to us for that reason, but it is also difficult to deal with simply because it is opposite of how we naturally operate!  Crazy world we live in!  So we get the AH-HA moment to push us outside our box and guess what?  GROW!  We get to grow from ah-ha moments!  YEAH!

So for me, I learned a lot about myself yesterday and today, as well as the other person - and I grew...at least a little.  ; ) And I will continue to grow and flourish and blossom...and as an extrovert, I can learn a GREAT deal from this introvert who needs and seeks solitude...the area I most need to grow for my being and soul to flourish.  Exciting times!  : ) 

WOW!

Someone once told me in relationships to wait....for the WOW factor....and to not settle for less.  I have been patiently waiting, figuring things out on me, living my life with more intention and purpose, all of those things.  WOW has hit me square in the eyes and when I least expected it!

I have been thoroughly enjoying dating this special man for a while now and found myself saying WOW an awful lot.  Then it dawned on me - WOW - this is really happening!  Then I had to examine the other, more logical aspects too...

This is a good man, with good character and good values - one of the more recent qualities that I have been waiting for, to be more congruent and compatible with my own life (including two little ones!).  I didn't feel at all like I was settling for a Mr. Ok!  This has REAL possibility here!  WOW!  Ohhhh, there it goes again, like an uncontrollable spasm, WOW!  So far, we are finding that we are quite compatible in many ways - active, healthy, family values, things desired in life, and lifestyle.  As well, we ar finding complementary things too - my organizational skills and positivity, his ability to slow down and relax, being in nature,  helping bring me down to earth now and then, and both of us commenting on how it helps us each BE a better person - always part of any positive WOW relationship, right?  This is WOW...oops, there it is again...anyone have more words? 

How about the "L" word?  Yep, I'm in LOVE, and so is he - how convenient is that? >>>>> and as my kids would say "Mommy" and "----" kissing in a tree...K.I.S.S.I.N.G....
you know those words!  : )

Enjoy your day, your life, your relationships
And make them the best that you can each and every day!

Dancing, Daring, Delightful Diva!

Been thinkin'

Sometimes when we receive information from another, it may not be what we would like to hear, but we have to figure out how to accept and move on.  I realized yesterday evening that many things come into play as we process information.  We have to separate out some factors involved:

Our own history and baggage from relationships comes into play - the way others behaved, reacted, experiences you had, insecurities you had....all of which are in the past, but are spilling into today's present and tomorrows' future - if we let it.

Another factor that plays into account is simply taking things personal - and that logically this has nothing directly to do with us at all...and we have to let it go, let it rest, let it be...

We have to separate the person from the pattern, what we want from what we may have, our expectations from reality, and our own wants and desires from the situation at hand too...all of that plays into account. We need to try to see the bigger picture as we move and groove into a relationship, the good over the challenges and learn to work with each other to have a successful foundation.

Little things...

I have learned many things along the way - but it really is the little things that matter most. So we have to learn to SEE the little things right?  I often get teased about how enthusiastic I am about all kinds of things, and I would ask you this - isn't that the more enjoyable way to be? 

If we notice and are grateful, happy, ecstatic about most anything, my life is filled with joy, appreciation, and more and more of that builds up...so why not purposefully look for and appreciate those things? 

So, let's see an example of someone calling in the evening for a few minutes. There are a couple of reactions:

1. One person could be irritated or bothered that they only had a few minutes for them, or that it was late in the day, and that they are the leftovers or afterthoughts to the person who called. OR...
2. One could be appreciative that the person calling found even a few minutes to call and visit even though they are busy, exhausted, tired, stressed - YOU were important enough to find 10 minutes to call. They think of you in the morning through the evening and wanted to hear your voice before bed.  SWEET!

So I ask - which person do you want to be? 
Change your perspective, change your thoughts, and change your life
- and it becomes far more enjoyable!

Been a while!...

Well, it has been a while, but LIFE has happened and I have been going with the flow, dodging curve balls and all sorts of things, getting my life into a whole new perspective! 

I have learned a few things in my time away as it has been a while since I have dated, or posted about it:

1. Having Mr. Ok-Right-Now around does NOT leave room for anyone else to land in your life.
2. Even my ex-husband can meet someone willing to spend the rest of their life with him...OY!
3. Life is all about CHANGE and that perhaps if we aren't willing to make those changes, God, the universe, or whatever you believe in, will make them for us.
4. Life is also about taking chances and risks and we should come sliding into the grave having used up everything, having had a blast along the way!
5. I'd rather have a pile of 'oh wells' than 'what ifs' along the way

So all of this has led to you ask??????
I said YES to a date and am having a GREAT time!  : )

Date again Mom?

Recently, having been out of the dating scene for a while, I decided to ask the kids what they thought of their mom dating again!

Well, much enthusiasm ensued and then I wondered 'why the ecstatic-ness?'  So I asked why they were so excited for Mom to date again - to which my daughter (age 9) replied "we just want you to be happy Mom!"

I explained my happiness and that I didn't need to date someone to BE happy - that I had them, me, my friends, my work, and was really liking this town and move - and that I felt QUITE HAPPY...

My daughter had her fingers to her chin, deep in thought - then stated "we just want you to be EXTRA HAPPY then Mom, like the cherry on top!"

How wise, little one, how wise!  : )

Life's changes

Since this blog began, it was originally designed to share dating stories, but also incorporate tales from the trenches of womanhood, I will share a story about life's BIG changes!

I recently found myself as a single mom with not much child support in need of new employment.  I was blessed enough to have 5-6 months' time by my current employer, but it was still stressful nonetheless, and to boot, I had just purchased my own home after 4 years of efforts and looking!  OY! Long story short, when we trust that all will work out (not naively, but really trust AND still behave, act, have efforts that support things working out) and we surrender to the many possibilities life has to offer, life really does offer good things!  To handle it, I had to take better care of myself than ever before, I had to search and work diligently on job prospects, and plan for the worst ALL at the same time.  I made good financial decisions, cut back in preparation, asked people for help, continued exercising, eating well, stress management, and lots of movement meditation, Nia, counseling, life coaching and visualization to keep me on good solid ground along the way!  Boy, I am not kidding when I say it takes a village to raise me! ; )

I never saw myself moving for years, but as I grew open to seeing new things, applying for jobs all over the country, it grew on me and I still new the right job, place, and situation would open up in time.  The job I accepted did mean a new town, new place, new people, new surroundings and many new opportunities.  I was scared, nervous, had two young children, but I KNEW and TRUSTED that all would work out!  Even my day to interview at the site location was insanely meant to be - rentals, schools, After school care, even a group of belly dancers helped me see if the puzzle pieces would fit - and they all 'magically' fell together.

Since moving here, things have been challenging, sure, I do not have Rose-Colored glasses on - but they have not been as difficult as I had thought - no crying, no wanting to move back, nothing.  I'm really wearing my big girl panties!  It is what it is and I moved here to embrace this change and give it a real shot.  And by giving it a real shot that sometimes means making myself be outside my box in meeting people, trying new things, and it has been FUN! 

So, the job is wonderful and going far better than any other and better than expected - what a relief!  The kids have been adjusting and getting better and better.  We are all making friends, joining in things, and finding cool things to do here.  I even accepted a date with a nice fella and have been enjoying myself immensely on that front as well.

Life's changes - I've experienced LOTS of new all in a year's time - embrace it, change is good for the soul, and God really doesn't give you more than you can handle - or perhaps thinks we should handle it! Growth, learning, development, skill-building...go with it!  : )