Freedom from Bankruptcy $$$$$

I am grateful to have gone through bankruptcy. For the love, WHY, you ask?  

Not for the debt forgiveness as you might think would be nice, but for the life-correcting changes that came with it. The cure of keeping up with the Jones's. The freedom from financial spending and living outside your means.  The stress, the worry, the trying to make ends meet, the trying to pay bills, the attempt to keep credit scores up.

I wasn't by any means bad....over-extended on credit, buying decor, taking trips, being frivolous - nope.  I was smart with money, what happened? For one thing, I had a husband with a business that was going under as well. We also were not compatible financially, among other things. The personal debt in and of itself could have been worked out of. The business debt sunk the ship. Bankruptcy wasn't even to blame for my divorce, as can happen with many. It sure didn't help things and we were in the process, but the two were not related.

Guess what?  One month on February 6, 2016 I've been cleared of my bankruptcy forever after TEN YEARS!  I never thought I would see the day. When you are 30 and filing, ten years seems like forever.  Your toddler would be a teenager, and she is.  Your newborn almost done with elementary school and he is.  And let me tell you that this is not a fun process. It is full of embarrassment, discovery of debts you knew nothing about, lots of couples get divorced during the process, and you are dinged in the financial world for ten years, even for the credit card for my job at times.

Here is what I know: Spending money, having credit card balances, the financial strain - is not worth it. The hard work to pay off debts, keep credit scores up and balances down or zero IS WORTH IT. And to teach your children a different way of life from a lot of Americans.  PRICELESS! 

Here is what I learned over these last ten years:  

They say you won't qualify for a home for at least 2 years after a bankruptcy. I did it in 1.5!  Here's how: I used the tools and people around me to make the best moves.

• I have a great and smart dad - yes he had to co-sign on a car loan, but I refinanced a year later in only my own name. I also borrowed on a USED car, decent, but used.  There is NO need to buy new new new!  Why walk off the lot upside down when you already have credit issues? Save that for later when you are more secure, or not ever.  In borrowing used, I still borrowed for 5 years, only to give myself cushion, but asked how much the payment would be if it were 4 years and paid that, actually more, each month to pay it off quicker. I have not had a car payment since.  :)
• I used my financial planner for retirements, savings, and budgeting. 
• I used my great little credit union for a small credit card for $200 so I could use it and pay it off each month, building up my credit scores. 
• I got a secured loan for a new bed.  I needed to have a loan, rates are too high, so they also gave me a secured loan for a new bed so I could rebuild credit with loans.  Secured means that it is backed by a savings account so interest rates can be lower and affordable, while you show payments, on time, and responsibility, recommended for at least 6 months' time. If you default, they'd take your savings so they aren't out anything.  Yes, anything that will help build my credit back up. 
• BUDGET - budget is a naughty 4-letter word to some people, but it gives you FREEDOM! Freedom to do the things you love, comfort when living within your means, and things are not out of control!  I could ENJOY myself!

• Billpay - I still to this day sit down annually and budget my bills, set reminders, and pay them early.  I've done a paper calendar, I've done online, task lists, etc.  Find a method that works for you. 
• I round up on interest loans I may have, the sooner the better and even $5 helps!  
• I still to this day do NOT HAVE A CREDIT CARD BALANCE.  I know that I could if needed or in an emergency, but I also learned that I don't actually NEED those things I want to buy. 
• I learned the difference between NEED and WANT.  :) 
• I use my credit card for nearly 100% of my purchases now and I play their game to earn cash back. To make
  sure I am not overspending, I subtract them out of my checkbook register (yes I still keep one!) like it is a debit.  Then I know the money is there and hop online occasionally to simply pay the card from my account.  I raked in $650 last year which I redeem each November for Christmas presents!  That is FREE MONEY when you play the game right! 

SO with all of that, my credit score has steadily risen over the years.  From qualifying for my first home only a year and a half after bankruptcy, to now qualifying for our joint house all by myself, I can say that I am GRATEFUL for the bankruptcy!  It gave me freedom, power, and I moved past embarrassments and struggles to become stronger and smarter.  Financial freedom is priceless! And right now before that bankruptcy falls off my credit report for another month or so, my score is 714! NOT bad!  It'll go up next month!  Booooooya!

Now YOU figure out one small step you can take toward financial freedom!

Daring, Delightful, Digital, and Debt-free-ish Diva!  :)

Take the High Road

One evening, I was discussing with my daughter her day.  It was filled with mean girls and why they pick on people.  You know, the same elementary, junior high and high school drama that all of us as parents have been through.

Then she asked me: "Mom, when does the drama end????"  

With that one question I laughed and realized I had a teachable moment here.  Do I sugar coat it that life will no longer have drama queens when you are done with high school?

Or do I prepare her for a LIFETIME of drama? I chose to be real...after I laughed given my day. Just that very day I had two instances of mean girls, unwelcoming, and kicking me out of Brownies so to speak...which happened in first grade!

I shared that some people never grow up, are bitter, angry, unhappy souls that just lash out at others. They pick...and they may pick until they are 40-50-60 years old. We hoped that it ends at least by the time we are 70, but I'm not so sure!

The lesson is this: WE take the high road. You will never regret taking the high road. You will not look back and say "oh I wish I didn't take the high road". It doesn't happen. EVER.

Taking the high road is a conscious choice.
A choice to be gracious.
A choice to have class when faced with the unclassy.
A choice to be the better person in spite of meanness.
A choice to do the right thing regardless of others.
A choice to take the road sometimes less traveled.

I made the choice to take the high road, and I hope my daughter and her friends continue to as well. Besides, the view is much better on the high road! Good views, good times - and good brings about more good!

Discontented, Discouraged..........NOT!!
Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva ;)

Took a chance on a job, a town, and a new life...five years ago!

Each year, typically on New Year's, I reflect on my life, since FIVE YEARS ago I packed up my house and moved my two kiddos to Butte.  Five years has flown!  From the kindergartner and fourth grader and single mom to now....married with three bonus kids, a full house, and loving my personal life.

This year marks five years with my company, so I will reflect on my work life. 

I love working for my company and I love my job - the actual job that I do, that often people don't have a clue what I do!  Just like seasons in a year, I have a cyclic year - from health screenings and assessments, to programming and incentives.  Then throughout the year, I get to see results - the changes taking place. There are things about my job that I don't like, of course, but I have been blessed to find the thing I love in life - to help people live healthier, fuller, happier lives. And I am good at what I do.  I don't need, but have received, awards, accolades, speaking 'gigs', etc. That matters not as much as one might think.  

The things that matter to me are the people. Since I am a contractor onsite with this client, nobody knows that I have been there for five years, and that's to be expected.  No work anniversary around the people that I work with everyday, no 5-year mug that you see getting passed around.  And that's ok.  I see the weight that was lost, the energy and life that were found, and the smile on people's faces.  

We just moved into a new building and while I get to acclimate to a cubicle vs an office (OY), I am finding utter joy in being around nice, caring, funny, and welcoming people.  That is refreshing!  Better than not being invited, or worse yet, uninvited to one department's things, or maybe worse yet PAYING to then not be invited, haha! At least I can laugh...and perhaps I can think that some people waste energy on little ol' me...haha! 

It's also nice to see that they built the facility with health and wellness in mind - bike racks, attractive stairs that people ARE TAKING, ice and water machines, refrigerators, a wellness fridge, and much more!  

This is where I am today - five years later. My company let me choose a five-year anniversary gift and it arrived today.  It's just a thing in reality, but it signifies more to me - five years since taking a chance on a job, a company, a town, people, and a life...I will wear it with pride.......

Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva with a Destination & Celebration :)

Art of Allergic Reactions and Well-being

Perhaps you have been wondering what happens to me when I have an allergic reaction? OH you haven't??? Let me show you anyway. ;)

Instead of hiding in my home or basement dwelling office at work so that nobody sees me...I've decided to take pictures (which do NOT do it justice!)

My neck gets inflamed, full of rough skin and hives, and in general make me want to rip my skin off! Ice packs help soothe the burning sensation. And I look and feel pretty hot...NOT! I want to cover it up with a scarf so nobody can tell, but that makes it hot and physically uncomfortable.  So it is what it is, until it is healed.

The other joy is that shortly after my neck flares up, more toxins flush out my body through my eyes. And one or both swell up...This is actually fairly good today. It didn't swell completely shut! I can see out of it, and make it to work, only to avoid being seen of course! 

I choose to believe that my body is flushing out the last of toxins this week, as I've spent a week overhauling my home and office from formaldehyde-filled products. The problem I have had is that my exposure point could have been 7-10 days ago, then the hives and eye last a day to three, so for 2 weeks this can be brewing, when I haven't known what I was reacting TO! Now I know, have cleaned up my environment at home and work, and will believe that this is IT!!!!!

This will stop. This will be something I will laugh at...someday. My skin and eyes will be healed as I buy and use better products for my body from head to toe.

What I have realized is this:  While allergies may seem minor, and I may have poo-pooed people with allergies to everything...they ARE infectious to your life.  As an allergen infects you, causes reactions, it also affects not just your physical comfort, but your well-being, and well-doing.  Your time is spent on it, your concentration at perhaps thinking of one more thing that you hadn't thought of:  creams, lotions, products, acupuncture, massage, detoxes, you name it. You can bet I feel sexy as hell with my husband too!  As it affects you, so it affects your life.  And it is a ridiculous ALLERGY for pete's sake!

So today will be filled with healing thoughts, vibes, prayers, detoxing and flushing this out of me. I look forward to Thanksgiving with my family, looking normal, laughing, and enjoying, hopefully with a little makeup and all pertied up!

Disdainfully Dreaded Allergy Sufferer, aka
Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva

CRAZY??? Or allergic???

I have spent the last year feeling like I was crazy!  I may very well still be crazy, but not in the realm of making my eye swell shut or my neck break out in a rash at least!  Crazy is for another discussion.
I wanted to share with you my story, as it may help any number of you.  I had been having seemingly 'random' eye swelling, rashes and I could not for the life of me figure out what was causing this.  Of course in the beginning you try the usual suspects:  did we change laundry soap, shampoos, lotions, etc?  We hadn't.  You spend time hoping it will stop.  Then you tackle the medical side from eye doctors, eye specialists, and more.  Finally I landed at the allergist/immunologist. He was amazing! He took his time, tried to help narrow, timeline, and more to figure this out.  He put me on two meds to simmer things down in my body from reacting so harshly.  That worked for a few months, then the worst month or so of all occurred.  Back to the allergist for skin panel testing to see if any product-related ingredients were the culprit.  INDEED it was!!!

And what am I allergic to you ask????

FORMALDEHYDE!!!  Which actually means about 20 chemicals of formaldehyde or derivatives or chemicals that release formaldehyde!

Now, where would I get formaldehyde??? It is in nearly everything from soaps, shampoos, lotions, make up - it is used as a preservative.  And I am allergic.  And we don't need it.  At all.  Period.

Well no wonder I couldn't figure it out, right??  I eliminated make up for three weeks, but since it was in my soap, shampoo and lotion, I still reacted at some point.  I couldn't narrow because it was in hundreds of things in my home and at work!  I spent a year trying things, and now I understand allergy sufferers sincerely.  You feel crazy, it interferes with your work, I had to miss a couple days simply because my eyes were swollen shut??  What a horrible thing to miss for and you feel stupid.

This allergy has resulted in an overhauling what I buy from head to toe. Why do we consciously buy CRAP?  Have you put Lubriderm or Jergens' lotion on?  Have you used All Free and Clear Hypoallergenic detergent?  Yup the one detergent in my house that contains it is the one I thought would be safe - hypoallergenic and free of dyes, perfumes...but contains formaldehyde ingredient!? How about a nice Bath and Body Works scrub or shower gel? I can't step foot in that store, it is in nearly every product.  It's CRAP!  And my husband pointed out that I had just bought more BBW stuff in the last few weeks.  Could explain the added inflation of my reactions. The picture shows all the things just in my home that I found. OY!

I decided in looking for formaldehyde and all those ingredients that I would buy from companies who do not use the "nasty 5", two of which are formaldehyde and all its little nasty partners that release it. The other three chemicals don't sound awesome and I don't need them either: Toluene, Camphor and DBP if you were curious.  And a company that doesn't use ANY of those, even better!

First, here are a few sources I used to comb through my stuff and I checked labels regardless.

• EWG - Environmental Working Group - Their site has many resources available to you no matter what you would like to check. Their Skin Deep database has over 63,000 products listed with rankings and ingredients.  I still check as it could be outdated.  They have a phone app too! Love this! 
• Cosmetic Ingredients - another source with hundreds of brands and the most wonderful thing about this site is that you can look up BY an ingredient and narrow to a brand!  Lifesaver!  If only they had a phone app too!  This serves as a nice heads up to then check the label to be sure.  
• EcoWatch - I ran across this group in search of nail polish I could use, as I was off to a new salon to remove my acrylics! While further searches would verify sources, ingredients and philosophies, I have narrowed to 2-3 brands that I can use. 

So let me tell you what I have found so far and am LOVING!!!!  What a great side effect of this allergy - it has served as a wake-up call as to what I put on my body from head to toe and also supporting and buying from better companies as well!  Here's the list of goodies:

• YoungLiving - I have signed up as a Wellness Advocate to share these products with others and get a discount. I do not care at all to make money, I simply want good stuff!  They make more natural products free of those nasty five and many more.  From a delightfully invigorating shampoo and conditioner, to hand soap and detergent.  They have essential oils as well that I can add to products as well.  I recommend this company to anyone!
• Bare Minerals - their make up and products check out clean from these ingredients as well, so my intuition was correct when 6 months ago I changed from Mary Kay (in nearly everything) to Bare Minerals. I also simply love their products.  They last, stay on my face, and have a wide variety. They also make it EASY to simply see and check ingredients since it is a tab right on the item.  Up front, thank you.  
• Aveda - While their products check out clean for me, they do not make it as easy to get to ALL the ingredients.  They have a philosophy and post many of their plant ingredients, but to be sure, I had to email in for the ingredient list.  For that reason, when I am out, I MAY switch to doTerra line. Aveda has hair products and even hair dye though, so I need to check into this as an option that I can use. 
• Green Virgin Products - Ever heard of SoapNuts?  I hadn't until about a month ago when my friend mentioned it as an option for me even before we knew what I was reacting to.  They are little soapnut berries that are dried and release the actual sopanin soap.  I have an order coming to try it out!  Along with their cleaner and stain pre-treater.  More on this later, but also made in USA which is awesome! I emailed back and forth with the owner Ken just yesterday, which was amazing customer service and a fast response!
• Nail polish/products - I ran across a couple articles on more natural nail polishes or products and have landed on RGB (Pricy though - not only 5-free, but also vegan, no animanl testing, made in the USA and fair trade), Zoya, and OPI contains only one of the big 5 (Camphor) but seeks to remove more and more chemicals.  I will use OPI for now, as it is in most salons, but have ordered a Zoya nail kit with top coat, bottom and polish to try. 

That's it for now! More to come as I try many of these new products, or run across more! Your health advocate, professional and new allergy sufferer at your service!
Dare to buy better,
Daring, Delightful, Digital Diva

You might be getting old IF....

 
Having had the honor of capturing this delightful Dashing Diploma Miss Molly as she wraps up her senior year, her mother and I asked her one question that revealed - WE HAVE CROSSED THE LINE AND ARE OLD!!!   What did we ask you, you wonder?  We simply asked:

How many WALLET photos do you think you will need to give to friends!?

Harmless right?  NOOOOO!  It flew out of both our mouths with the quickest sense of regret and an AH-HA moment that kids these days don't even do that anymore!  We laughed and laughed, partially at ourselves and partially at Molly's face and reaction like we were crazy - of course kids don't do that! 

So, it is with sad news that I regret to inform any of you that if you have a senior, close to a senior or any kid that was born in the FACEBOOK and social media world - there is no ordering wallet photos for graduation, duuuuuuh!  So we jump in as I have too - and instead of handing someone a photo -

PIN IT, TWEET IT, POST IT, SHARE IT, LIKE IT, SNAP IT, CHAT IT, BLIP IT BLEEP IT, LINKED IN IT, BLOG IT, BYTE IT, TUMBL IT, WIKI IT, POD IT, FOLLOW IT

Happy Graduation to all these Dashing Diplomas!
Daring Delightfully OLD Diva ;)

The Big-Little 4-0 !

Milestone birthday in the midlde of an already milestone year!  The recent engagement winding up in 2014 has led to delightful and fun wedding plans (post coming soon), but also with a 40th birthday coming up TODAY, I have been thinking about my life. 

I have run across things like the "40 best things about being 40" to "20 things that were 20 years ago that will make you feel old" and more!  I decided that I will write my own list of things that I am HAPPY about at age 40! 

1. I like not caring what other people think about me.
2. I realize that not everyone will like me and that's ok!
3. I no longer waste time dwelling on such little things - or try not to and catch myself quickly if I am!
4. I love watching our kids grow, learn and experience - and we are inthe heart of dating, boys, girls, feelings, and with that will come the hurts, the pains and trying to make it better.
5. With watching our young ones, comes thoughts and realizations that all those broken hearts, aches, pains and hurts - that we really did come out better on the other side of things, and we WERE OKAY....and that our kiddos will BE OKAY too!
6. I can truly see most life experiences as 'life's learning lessons' - which helps lesson the worry, the stress, and the drama to keep things in perspective...that this too shall pass, AND I will learn from it.
7. Learning is a choice that I take on in full force.  I will learn from a poorly cooked meal, a moment with a child that didn't go as planned, to a new skill - I know I make that choice to learn!
8. I care about my looks, without caring about my looks!  Meaning that I CARE for myself, my skin, my health far better than I did at 20, but I don't get sucked into CARING about my looks - no vanity, I'll go out without makeup on without stressing.  It is what it is and I am who I am.
9. I care about the world in a far bigger and smaller picture than my younger days.  I care how we will leave the world to the kids and do my best to take care of that.
10. I like having the perspective to be older and wiser.
11. And the energy to feel like I am 30, okay maybe 20!
12. I like being 40 and considered a "cool mom" :) Mission accomplished, sort of!   When you quit caring about being cool, you oddly become the coolest that you have ever been!
13. I like making decisions for myself and my family, and not for someone else, to please anyone.
14. I like having the confidence to do what I would like.
15. And if I have the confidence to do what I like, I also have gained the ability to set aside fears to try new things!
16. I like my wiser selection in friends - bringing closer to me with like values, morals, lifestyles and thinking.
17. I now will remove toxic relationships - or just not acquire them in the first place. Not worth it.
18. I value my friendships deeply, and gravitate towards those who do as well. 
19. I rock my own style - I find things that I like, and have the confidence to wear what looks good on me.
20. I realize the BEST thing that looks good on my is a genuine smile, which I wear daily!
21. It's nice when you realize nothing is the end of the world....even nasty bosses!  Just like on the surgical floor years ago when I had an 'icky' patient, I stepped back and realized 'this isn't forever, they will leave this unit adn go elsewhere at some point!' So, either myself or the other person will eventually move on. 
22. Speaking of nasty people in the workplace, I have found that difficult people serve one purpose for me - they make me STRONGER and BETTER, so I thank them for this growth opportunity!
23. And still on that note, I no longer take it PERSONALLY, which is a very hard thing to realize.  When someone is lashing out at you, doesn't handle their stress well, or that you see it with other people - it's NOT ME!  Take a deep breath on the inside and this too shall pass!
24. I don't care that I have laugh lines and wrinkles - I LAUGH and it shows! 
25. I have a backbone - I will stand up for myself and will not compromise my values, beliefs. 
26. I will respect others and their beliefs even if I don't understand or agree.
27. I love watching my children grow and develop into fine human beings, and I hope that part of that doing was my parenting skills.
28. I like that I am educated in my field, work IN that field and have passion for what I do every single day.  Did I say EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?  YUP, that's me!
29. I am comfortable being full of rainbows and sunshine...Life is TOOOO short to be any other way, and why so negative? 
30. I laugh every day.  Did I say EVERY. SINGLE. DAY?  Yup, also too short of life to not fill it with as much joy as humanly possible!
31. I find value in every person - and see their purpose in my life - for a reason, season or lifetime.  I revel in it, figure it out, then let things just happen. 
32. I am happy that I left a marriage that wasn't working for years, and figured out who I was, raised my standards and waited for the right man to come along.
33. I am happy that I had dating experiences, sometimes laughable, terrible, horrible, real bad dates...but I learned from every one of them!  I hope that our children learn from every date or person they have too!
34. I am glad I am where I am today - everything happens for a reason, and every experience we go throguh brings us here. 
35. I don't care that I am DIVORCED...and have been for a long long time.  Was it my intention?  Not at all!  But I do believe sometimes, everyone involved is better off after divorce, myself included.
36. I am happy for my children that their father and I divorced.  Was it always easy, or still?  But the other side of the coin would be so much more worse for everyone involved, and for that I have no regrets, and I will not feel ashamed about it. 
37. I am happy that I have three new bonus kids in my life, and that I like to say BONUS kids and not STEP kids.  They are an addition, a joy to add, so a bonus. :)
38. I am very very happy to be engaged to a wonderful man, gaining a family, and making things official on April 10, 2015. 
    
39. I am utterly in bliss with our relationship, could care less what other people think about him, or us, and that was a change for me.  What do you think?  Do you like him?  I never once worried about it.  And everyone, or nearly, just loves him, loves us, and are overjoyed for us.
40. I am THRILLED that I will be getting married in my 40th year!  I have indeed waited a long time, I dated trial and error, lots of error, I didn't jump too far in, I took my time, I cut my losses, or was left with a broken heart.  It took me until now to figure this out, to feel solid, trust, secure, and truly IN this in order to SAY YES, and to soon SAY I DO as well - when I am forty!  AND I don't care what anyone thinks of our wedding plans, reception plans, we are doing this the way we want, with whom we want and celebrating this BIG LIFE EVENT!