Diva Digital Design is BORN!!!

Find yourself doing something naturally? Are things coming toward you in all different directions? Does it take a lot of "signs" for you to really get where your next path is taking you? Well that's me!!
I have taken photos for YEARS!

Finally, the kicker was being asked to take photos for someone prior to her wedding, so BAM - it was so invigorating and such an honor, inspiring and trusting experience, I decided to GO WITH IT! Stretch myself, push the envelope, try new things, and be outside my box! LOVING IT!!! More to come!
~Daring, Delightful DIGITAL Diva!

Apologies anyone???

We have all learned in life that people will mistreat us, hurt our feelings, etc - which lead to apologies.  And boy have I had quite the recent experience on this topic and thought more on this.

First off, let's dig in, shall we?  A "friend" got so drunk-ass on me, was obnoxious, said and did things for an afternoon, through dinner, and well into the evening until passing out cold....that I got the joy of putting up with that garbage and inappropriate stuff if you will. I felt like a teenager babysitting honestly...and should have left, except I am always the 'nice girl' - hindsight now tells me I should have! HAHA 

The next day "Apologies" ensued, with the instant expectation that I should just forgive and forget, but there is a big BUT......But, one did not even remember what was said or done, so I had the joy of repeating the story and all that happened, and also it made the so-called apology feel empty and over-arching, general and meaningless.  And who really expects someone to just blanket get over it in one moment anyway?  Just because YOU can't remember what you did to someone, doesn't mean they forget too, at least instantly!

So I thought more about apologies and that I teach my young children how to apologize better than that.  I've taught them that the words are just words unless you DO something - take action.  I teach them they need to DO something to make it right, or to make the person feel better, or take actions to improve their behavior, etc.  They are very much learning and apologize far better than this 'grown-up' ;)

In thinking more about apologies in general, and even being chastised by this person on being 'weird' for my apology stance that one would or should perhaps offer to pay me back for the drunkfest that I got to sit through, I decided to look more into apologies.  There are different STYLES that each person falls into, believe it or not!  You may have heard of the Five Love Languages, and Dr. Chapman has also written on the 5 Languages of Apologies.  I am very clearly and strongly one type - and obviously have been teaching my children along those lines too.  Find out more and what type you are here:  Apology Language Profile.  I fall into two strongly:  Accepting Responsibility, and Making Restitution - in other words, the doing something to make it right or make the person feel better. 

So I'm not WEIRD (ok maybe I am of course, just not in my thinking on apologies!)....this person is a jerk who can't own the behaviors, do anything to make the situation better or more forgivable to earn that forgiveness, and honestly is just a not-so-masked-jerk to begin with, clearly unmasked by alcohol and a very probable drinking problem if you are in your 40s and still drink so much to pass out and literally not remember?  Come on!   Oh and the best part of this deal????  The sober, next day, still trying to gain forgiveness and said "if we were at a different level, I wouldn't have gotten that bad" phrase - I was OUT.....so it's OKAY????? to treat your friends like a drunk-ass jerk, simply because she's a friend and you're not getting LAID?????  OMG I was outta there!!!  Even a jerk in the apology department! 

I thought you'd get a kick out of this too, maybe learn something new along the way, and might be interested to see what your apology language is, your partner's, your children's, or what direction you'd like to teach them - as long as we have more sincerity and good people in the world because of it - and less jerks! HAHA!  Oh, and if you are interested, here are the Five Love Languages too!

Happy apologizing everyone!
Your Delightful, Dancing, Daring Diva :)

What do you WANT from me???

Well, a song by Jerrod Neiman struck my ears - after receiving a text from someone from the past - YUP!  Disappearing acts - return for various reasons all the time - WHY???

"What do you want, what do you want from me?  You keep taking me back, taking me back, to where I've already been - can't you see, what it does to me?"

I thought and pondered the reasons why someone returns and the timing of that return (happened to be the night before a DATE of all things! UGH!).  Someone shared with me this quote: "The thief of hearts always returns to the scene of the crime"- hmmm....is it guilt?  Curiosity? Need for closure?  Apologies?  A BOOTY CALL?  Simply checking the temperature for any of those things?  I think it can vary widely, honestly, but the point is that for the recipient - IT IS HARD - hard to see the phone number or text, knowing full well who it is, wondering immediately what they want.  Even just taking you back, as Jerrod sings - to that time, when you thought it was a great thing, good relationship, your chance, your turn, the awesomeness....and the ultimate end and hurt, even confusion. 

I have a friend who teaches a singles class for post divorce or break-up - and he read me a passage about the 'dumper' and the 'dumpee'.  In essence, the dumper has an obligation to be clear and blunt when breaking up; none of this "EASY" crap or dragging something out, or being an ass so the dumpee breaks up with them, being simply being wishy washy.  You want to break up, then DO IT!  It passes a clear and final message to the dumpee and allows them to move on easier.  Period.  Plain. Simple.  It hurts regardless, but why hurt the dumpee even more? 

I'm always unsure of what to do when you hear from someone again - there is a little girl in us that would LOVE for it to be begging for us back, wanting to make it right - AND of course that it CAN be made right!  What is UP with that?????  Messed up kind of thinking! 

In reality, I had to clarify my values, remind myself what I am worth and found myself thinking back to the blog on "He's Just Not that Into You" and "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" stuff.  Good stuff, so here it is for YOU - guy or gal!  We ought to be with people who are into us, treating us right, and we deserve respect and decency.  Walk away...NO....RUN!  Make room for someone with decency, respect, kindness.

I shall dive, dance, and delightfully MOVE ON much faster next time!
Deliciously Delightful Diva :)

Closure? Change? Bring it!!!

New Year's is always a time of resolutions for most folks- weight loss, quit smoking, etc. For me New Year's in 2011 became quite a big deal when I moved to a new town with two children, knew not a soul, and did it all in a couple weeks' time frame at the holidays! It was a crazy hectic, life-changing time, and I had so many changes in one year, that at the end, and of course approaching the holidays last year, I couldn't  help but reflect.  I was even quite weepy about it all - in a good way!

Within a year I had gone from losing my job, struggling there, my roles being mom, single, family and friend roles, and there was a large struggle with my ex and his family as well. In that year and life overhaul, I met wonderful people who welcomed us, found great things to do, and it felt like home, so my New Years process has now become quite a thing about reflection rather than resolutions, though even I cannot help creating some as well! ;)

With my giant move, tons of change and overhauling in 2011, it felt like 2012 would be my year....only to now reflect again at this time and find out 2012 seems a bit more about some learning lessons and really about closure for me...From law suits, boundary setting, relationships, and heartaches - my life has been changing and shifting all year. Not that in the big picture of things, all of this in 2012 wasn't worth it because man alive it has been!  Awesome in fact!!! My 2012 reflection is here at New Year, New Direction.

So, in 2012 here's the scoop, lesson, experience or closure that I was meant go through to prepare me for more in 2013 and beyond!

• A relationship or two that didn't work out -

• Some disappearing acts that you don't get closure on or even the decency of a conversation - learning to let go and close it out on your own, while not making yourself crazy trying to understand - good one.  Because I didn't get this lesson the first time, I had a couple joyous events in this year!  I think I've got it now!  Now I tend to think - not for me if they choose to behave this way, dodged bullet, red flag averted, and making room for someone worthy of my time!  Yup!  I've come a long way baby - Life hands us lessons all the time and we get to see our progress sometimes - that we truly handle things differently - better!
• Because I'm listening to the universe better, I hope that I don't get Blind-sided...NOT! I'd like to learn the lessons, see the big picture, see the red flags - all of it - SOONER!   
• And I have in this year and this year alone - learned to Express Myself!  I can say what I need to say, respectfully and all, but have figured out how to say 'hey, that is unacceptable to me' or 'that hurt my feelings' and more!  YEAH!
• I've also learned after several lessons to finally do the Hard Things - those things that are against your nature that someone else needs - for me, that is giving space, when I want to support, nurture, and be there for someone.  At least I finally learned how to do it! 
• And I have learned that rejection isn't a bad thing, but someone moving out of the way for who you are supposed to be with, or who you are supposed to be.
• Ex and the Legal Battle - My ex has had trouble with me and is not easy to work with, including starting in 2011 when he quit paying on a loan he owed me and I got the joy of really asking myself what my options were and what I could live with.  I decided it was now or never to ride out the big possibilities, and attempted small claims court to get my money - which in turn angered him and in the big picture he felt it more important to keep pushing me around, hoping I'd give up and took this to all new levels I didn't think were possible all the way until court on December 6, 2012. I got to go through proposed parenting plan, defenses, defend contempt charges he filed, sit through depositions, and many court dates later I had to sit through court as well.  I did not get my way fully, but quite a lot!  And the BIGGER lesson learned was that I was strong enough and that I set boundaries and did not cave, did not let him push me around - forevermore - and I hope that he learned that as well and things will get better in the long run! 
• I enjoyed Christmas and the New Year - last year and this year - I literally don't remember much of that Christmas I moved, so choosing to really enjoy it and time with family and friends makes it all worth it now, and I am ever grateful for everyone who has supported me, been there, helped me, and I try to also have that attitude of helping others as well. 
• I have learned finally to listen better to God's plan, the universe, my higher power, whatever you are comfortable with - that things really do fall into place when they are right, sometimes other things fall apart for something to fall into place, and that I need to listen and speed up this process - quit fighting it. 
• In dating, that means mistreatment, no respect, decency, I am pretty much out.  I am not conceited, but know enough that I really am a smart, good, kind, giving, available woman and worthy of being treated well.  We all deserve that - I treat others well, and i expect the same in return.  Soooo, I have finally learned to RAISE MY VALUE :)
• In parenting, it means that I do what is best for my kids and I listen TO what that best is - I do my best to work with their dad and family, and think of them and their higher good as well.  Also, that I am teaching them along the way to honor yourself, your values, your passions, enjoy all life has to offer, to try new things, and for them to be outside their boxes as well!
• In work, it is listening and seeing the bigger picture, so when one person makes things difficult, I can step back, look for what the universe is providing me, handle it well, learn from it and keep on building a stellar career to set myself up for awesome opportunities now and in the future!
• In my personal life, I listen to the universe on friends, hobbies, things I enjoy - and I follow my passions - my passions will lead me to connect with amazing people along the way that help fulfill my life and share in those passions and creative outlets.
• In my purpose on life, I am starting to listen to that purpose, see that purpose, and am blessed to do for a living where I find passion - in living your best life, being healthy, and the bigger picture - teaching others to do so - whether it be seeing, teaching, or showing:
• nutritional changes, exercise and healthy lifestyle or
• ways to get outside your box and find a passion, or
• how I balance my life, and find peace, or
• the Power of Positive and the way I live, or
• finding Inspiration and Newness wherever I go, or 
• finding, seeing and listening for those Ah-ha moments! 

I am listening more to what opportunities I have to do that, or where I should or could! I don't want to bore you with my own reflection on 2013, but to stir your own reflections - what have you done in 2012, learned, experienced, shared?  What do you want out of 2013?  Set your intentions now not as a resolution, but a bigger picture way of thinking - know in your heart, mind, and soul what you want for your life, and set that intention to bring it to you.  Then live your life according to that - don't contradict with what you want, or if you catch yourself, correct your course throughout the year in 2013 and beyond!

Here's to 2013 - daring, bold, drastic, delightful, joyous times ahead!

Daring, Delightful, Dancing Diva :)

Legal Battle....

I have finally come to a close on a legal issue and while I do not want to get into the details, I certainly have some thoughts and feelings surrounding the entire process.  I do want to share with those that care, and also share some things I learned along the way! I am in tears as I type, they just keep flowing, as if a giant release and floodgates have been opened.  They are tears of relief for sure, and of de-stressing, but also of joy - the joy in moving forward without this weight, joy of moving forward to new energy, joy of better things to do and deal with, and joys of resetting boundaries to work better together.  Mostly somehow they are tears of joy knowing that this only makes room for more joy and good things to land in my life!!!!  YIPPEE!!!

So at the root of the issue is that divorce can be ugly, and I have learned that even years later it can still be/get ugly, even if it is against your personal nature, positive outlook and that you don't want the drama, expense, or toll on the entire family, mostly the kiddos involved - but I found myself almost a year and a half ago having to determine a course of action that was in reaction to things thrown at me.  I had to assess some information from the other side and really get down to what I could live with in the long run - and I chose to go ahead and withstand the legal route.  I determined that the solution was not within my power and that things would not end until a judge intervened, which has finally happened today.  I really had to get down to my values, my core beliefs, and even those were tested, doubted...I am glad that I withstood this process. 

I have moved on and grown for years and built myself up, had so so many good things and people land in my life, I would wonder how or why an ex would care about a minute amount of money to spend thousands and a year and a half trying to avoid, only to end up financially worse off in the long run....there is at the root likely some jealousy, spite, resentment, or leftover anger.  But it is not my problem anymore. I am hoping that for the kids' sake since we have several more years ahead of us, that this will reset the boundaries, what is acceptable, what is not - and that I will no longer be pushed around at the whim, desires, lack of planning, or responsibility of someone else. 

For ME in this I learned that I can build even stronger roots to withstand the storm, to bend without breaking, to do things without knowing how I could, and wanting to throw in the towel many times.  I did come out stronger on the other side.  ~I am woman, I bend, I don't break!

At some point I let go of the outcome - I did know it couldn't have gotten any worse than what was offered in mediation - but for me I trusted that all would work out in the long run, and that releasing that exact outcome freed my heart and mind to draw it to me.  I tried my hardest not to let the negative in, the fears, the worries, the what if's...HAD HAD HAD to trust in the process, the universe and that good will come to good.  :)

The outcome has been ruled and my lawyer is writing up the plan - and it is soon done....before the holidays, in time to close out 2012, move forward....into 2013.  Bring it on!  I am pleased with the outcome, my lawyer is thrilled, my family and friends are thrilled.  Did I get absolutely everything? Nope.  Do I disagree with some things?  Yep.  Did I endure hearing lies on the stand?  Yep.  Did I come out 'ahead'?  Yep.  Did the other party hopefully learn a lesson?  Hopefully!  If not, it's not my problem at least!  Now I wouldn't want to be in that household this evening, and am quite content to be cozied up in my bed writing this, clearing out my head, my heart, making room for all this unabashed goodness to come.

I have MANY thanks & much gratitude - to friends, family, loved ones that have had to endure this with me - over the phone, in person, in silence, in yelling, in sending positive energy, love, light, prayers and more my way.  I am strong, but it takes a village sometimes - you have listened, hugged, offered that shoulder for tears at times, taken me dancing, out, exercised with me, breathed with me, built positive playlists, you name it!!! - you have been there for me, and I am grateful.  Ever more and may you find peace and light and know you can count on me.  

Off to sleep a peaceful, stress-free sleep tonight!
Daring, Delightful, inDebted, enDuring Diva :)

Outside my Box!

I've thought for years that I live my best life when I push myself, try new things - or as I like to call it - LIVE OUTSIDE MY BOX!!!! You know...that COMFORT ZONE...the one we all get so comfy in! ;)



FlourishAfter50.com

Well, divorce can do a world of good for some people, and I am one of them.  It's been years, but I set myself up then with rules for figuring out who I was again, and I would recommend this for everyone!  I knew that I needed to make myself do new things, meet new people, expand my horizons in order to find my passions, bliss, peace, harmony and balance, as a mom and as a woman.

So I basically set ONE RULE:  To not turn anything down that I was invited to.  Nothing.  And certainly if I hadn't been getting invited to things, or if you are not very social by nature, it can help to add that you make yourself do one thing per week, or something like that.  It worked for me and I have applied that rule for myself over and over again - new...brave, bold, SEE! 

Since then, I have gone to game nights where I only knew the hostess, ended up meeting and making friends with other folks!  SUCCESS!  So then it was on to finding activities I enjoyed - not just people.  I attend a gym, but made myself try new classes there, new hours, new new new...it works!  Mix it UP!  And that is always good physically anyway! 

Let's fast forward to this last week - ALL NEW 100% for over a WEEK!!!!  A while back, antsy to BE outside my box some more, to grow, to learn to experience and see the world some more - I booked a TRIP!!  To see my friend that lives in Arizona near the Mexico border and I DID IT...booked it, ordered my Passport so 1) I could see Mexico that I've not yet, and 2) to GET and USE a passport for the first time!  My newness and outside my box began even before I left!  How exciting!

So, while there I was completely OPEN about what we did....I made it clear to her, who knows me well - this outside the box thinking, even on where and what we chose to EAT!  So aside for a gorgeous, nature explosion compete to Montana, which was great and new and soaking it in to my very being deep on the inside....I also tried NEW things:

• ROCK-CLIMBED in the Arizona desert 
• Enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner NOT actually ON Thanksgiving Day, out in the desert watching the sunset
• Thanksgiving Dinner was VEGAN even with a Tofurkey roast and all! :)
• Hugged a GIANT Cactus (ok, pretended to hug, come on!)
• Learned to shoot GUNS!  And let's get real - I AM a girl from Montana so the fact that I haven't learned to shoot guns, wow!
• BEACH with feet in the sand in November, in CA, not ever been!
• Sea World to see WHALES, dolphins, and like a kid pet the Sting Rays too!
• Margaritas in Mexico, along with delicious food and bargaining at all the shops
• Thai food in San Diego Gas Lamp District

I never saw myself doing any of these things, and certainly not all in a single week - but I did and it was GREAT for my soul, my well-being!  I even was in capris and flip flops and 84 degrees, only to land at the end of my flight home to FOUR DEGREES and snow!! I did not care in the least, because I see value and beauty in that as well. 

Life is GOOOOOOOOOOD, and I highly recommend pushing your own boundaries even in little ways.  Try new restaurants, foods, activities, with or without your partner, kids, family, friends.  DO IT, I dare you!  What's the worst that could happen you ask?

Well, surely things can happen, but as Georgia O'Keefe said : "I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it stop me from doing a single thing."

So was I terrified?  Nervous? Scared? Thrilled?  YES! I am a frequent flyer to the shoulder dislocation program and feared rock climbing putting my joint at risk - it was hard, but I was with the right people, experienced, safe, knew my injury, and I DID IT....give it a try - life really is too short!  Grab it all in while you can! 
Dancing, DARING, Delicious Diva! :)

The Hard Things...

Sometimes in life we get the 'opportunity' to do the hard things for us, but may be the thing someone else needs most, even if it goes against the grain of what we want to do, who we are, or how we operate.

One thing I can admit to being difficult for me, is to allow someone SPACE...and I cannot help but feel that at times that I just keep receiving that lesson from the universe....until I LEARN IT!  Grrrrr!

Sooooo, SPACE...I operate differently most of the time, if I am stressed, having a hard time - I have learned to reach out to friends or family or loved ones for support, for ideas, for motivation, and sometimes for that slap in the face to set myself straight.  I am the same way on the receiving end....that I am there for friends, family, loved ones when THEY need anything as well.

So, why is it SOOO difficult to just sit back, to do nothing, to sit in silence, to allow someone that space?  I believe it is because you care for them, you want to help, you want to fix it, things like that.  But, maybe selfishly you also want them to want you, to need you, even if they don't know what for, but you'd like them to reach out to you as well, simply because that is how YOU operate.  And while I have good intentions 100% of the time, I am seeing that it may not come across that way.  So, offering time, comfort, ideas, anything, time, when someone wants to have space, that it simply ends up being the exact OPPOSITE of what they want or need!  UGH!  The crux of the matter. 

So what does this tell me?  I don't even fully know...other than I feel like I am being tested and failing AGAIN...and that I need to step up and DO THIS!  What's the worst thing that can happen?  Someone disappears, doesn't want you, doesn't need you, maybe even unintentionally doesn't treat you well - hopefully all of that is temporary, and I suppose if it is not, then it wasn't meant to be...and we figure out how to pick up the pieces and move onward and forward....again.

In the meantime, until that becomes clear, what can I do in the meantime?  Behind the scenes if you will?  I can pray, send good vibes, thoughts, and I can take care of myself to not stress, feel upset, and to stay positive, solution-oriented, find things that bring joy, happiness, and stay busy.  Resort back to things I have learned in my past, ways that I learned to think, use the law of attraction and more, bringing and attracting more good to me and those around me, hoping for all to benefit. 

I am hoping through space, and learning to do this for someone that I see a positive outcome, whatever that may be...I am hoping that I can 'get' this lesson and see the benefit for me as well.