What IS a douche bag anyway?

In recent days I have been asked "What constitutes a douche bag anyway?"
So it is my duty to define, explain and teach! ;)

Sometimes in defining something, we must first see the flip side - what a douche bag is NOT, which might be perhaps more educational and telling. In fact, I am not speaking to the men here, both sexes can certainly BE douchey, for sure! 

What a douche bag is NOT:  honest, caring, kind, thoughtful, full of integrity and honor.  Saying what they mean, meaning what they saying, doing the right thing and doing what they say.  It would seem to me like simplicity at its finest...but it is apparently NOT that simple, or we wouldn't have a world full of douche bags running around!

So to zone in on what a douche bag IS, you can even find some examples in my previous blogs like The Traveler who did not present himself as he is now, to the Fellow Parent who presented himself full of fine character when all he wanted was a booty call, and the Too Tall Guy that just encompassed so many douchey things!  In general, these men, many other stories my exhibit douchey traits such as conceitedness, exaggeration, deceit, not showing up on time, or at all, checking out other women (or men) when with a fine specimen already, and general rudeness all around.

And drop it like it's HOT because this is the BEGINNING...the BEST time when people are on their best behaviors, still trying to look good and be good - it ONLY gets worse, honest!  So RUN FORREST RUN!!!! 

Well, that's what I can express about douchey-ness, DBags, and DBs for now!
Avoid em like the plague!

New Year, New Direction....

Well, joy oh joy we all get to be hurt - but in the hurts is the most growth and knowledge that we alone get to move forward with.  So I am doing just that, after a few months of dating someone I thought was the real deal.  BOY WAS I WRONG! 

I learned several things -

1. Be who you are, say what you mean, and do what you say - basically, have some integrity and respect.
2. I need to raise my value - if I expect to be treated with some respect and worth, then I shouldn't put up with so much garbage.
3. Regardless of a man in my life, it is full, fun and filled with people who love, support, like me and my kiddos, and clear out the rubbish sooner rather than later....if you keep Mr So-So around, then there is no room for someone better or more fitting to come along...just sayin'!

So here is to a new year and new direction, and the faith that I am one step closer to my match and partner...whom my friends said 'the special guy just for you is just taking longer to cook and be ready for you' and I shall cook up a little more too!

Onward, upward, and let's see how I can make this learning curve even better and faster!

Traveler

Another in the line-up of interested suitors was an interesting frequent traveler - He was witty, had a lengthy profile that was so intriguing - I sent him a message before I had even finished reading it!  Woohoo, this had potential!

Well, we hit it off in writing, had some travel, both him and I so there was some delay in talking on the phone, and after a few phone calls, some more travel, we finally we were able to meet....lesson learned?

1. Photos need to be current so they are not deceiving!  he came to the door and wow was he different than his pictures looked, and once I checked again online they were from 2010, a full year between.  It was hard to recover after that, because it felt a bit deceiving.
2. THE MEET - I have to remember not to get ahead of mysefl, it still comes down to meeting someone!  So we had delays before speaking on the phone, then more delays before meeting - that is a lot of time to 'hit it off' in those two venues, to then meet and think FAAAZZZIZZZZLE!!!  DUD!

Cutting losses, moving forward!  :)

Young Student

With my energy level, some people have told me to try dating younger than myself so one has a slim chance of keeping up with me!
Well I did have an opportunity to attempt this, since a 26-year-old studnent contacted me on the dating website.  I politely replied to him and was planning on being dismissive and moving on...and he replied again. He was smart, witty and mature, surprisingly for his age.  So we got to chatting and the like...

But, alas, after much chatting, messaging, we even met.  We discussed openly the age difference and it was clearly about life stages, not age. And we also joked about me being a cougar, him a boy toy, me a MILF....silliness!
Lesson learned, life stage can be too much to overcome and make a go of a relationship!
Cutting losses, moving forward, carry on!  And I got a good friend out of the deal, so that just can't be that bad!

Fellow Parent

Second up was a fellow parent of two children similar ages to my own.  Many lessons with this one after a couple dates!

1. Some people still hold a lot of anger, resentment or issues with the ex, so cut your losses and RUN!
2. It is logistically more difficult to date someone else with kids - based on schedules, time with the kids, activities with the kids...and then add distance on top of that, it feels 99% unlikely that anything will work out!
3. AND the biggie!  I am not a 'booty call'!  Man alive, after 2 dates, he was coming through town and literally wanted to 'connect' I believe is what he said, even if I had only lunch, coffee, or to meet at my house - no thank you!  And big surprise I haven't heard from him again!  WOWSA!

Cutting losses, lessons learned, moving forward! Dare to live...dance....be...date! :)

Goofy Fella

First up from the revamped online dating experience is the 'goofy fella' from a town about 80 miles away.  I have to think of the lessons learned here, so while some things were great, like his humor, wittiness, fun nature - there were some drawbacks that were clearly NOT going to work for me, my personality, or my lifestyle!

So the lesson learned for me was when I sent a text that unbeknownst to me would strike a chord as a litmus test - into the 'kid zone' since this man was 40 and does not have children of his own, I realized I didn't quite know how he felt.  So, one evening after a rough night with the kiddos I let him know that - and a) he made a smart-a$$ comment about kids and b) he didn't want to visit with me, preferring to read a bit instead, so clearly unable to step outside his own needs to be there for someone else. 

DONE!  Cut our losses, moving on, lessons and needs learned!  WOOHOO!

More Online

Each of us should take some time to refocus, regroup, recooperate and recover after a breakup - and at some point we have to get back on the horse, right?  Either people cannot resist setting you up, you are social and out and about, and you might like to attempt to add someone into your adventure of life!  Well, such is the case for me!  HOWEVER...

For me several factors are playing into the 'meeting people' scenario:  1) smaller town, 2) largely blue collar town, 3) working for one of the largest employers, but not wishing to date someone from work, 4) no phone numbers in bars, there to dance only not meet people!  SO, my friend encouraged me to try dating online - again! 

I considered her idea - I live close enough to several towns, so even the possibility of someone NOT in my town was appealing, opening up more doors.  As was another aspect - throwing myself out there exactly as I am!  Only those interested in my personality would message me right? 

Well, sort of - there is weeding the garden of the rubbish so to speak, but yes, I have had some dates from there and nothing has worked out so far, but I am trying to just have fun with this, learn something new each time, grow and even think of it as preparing myself for the right relationship as I learn, grow, expand, narrow in on what I would like or NOT like in a partner and relationship!